I see shit sucked so hard Steve Jobs wouldn’t let lolikit use the iPhone even if lolikit paid him. Too bad because I think there was an app to fix the fail.
Being bored as all hell I decided to play this lolikit fellow’s game which I have to say sucks…its more of a grind than World of Warcraft and no where near as funny since he goes out of his way to try and top Leeroy Jenkins and FAILS. Still I guess it is to be expected from an arrogant indy studio seeking to charge 60 USD for episodic gaming, no wonder why Gabe Newell told Studio Lolikit to take his shit to elsewhere. So in this game you go back to fucking high school, the paradise of weeabo dipshits who want to make up for their lost four years and yearn to go back to being some prick who could suck off his parents’ money. For a game that is so in love with high schools it certainly leaves out the best thing you can do in High School as an IRL Troll. All in all typical hippie bullshit I have come to expect from denizens of the People’s Republic of Berkeley. Doubly so for a trustafarian like this self proclaimed Dr. Lolikit (must be a lame attempt at riding Dr. Mario’s coattails) who plays himself in the game but was probably too high to do any voice acting for his tweeker looking furry ass.
So instead of giving you choice you get to be some pink haired scrawny little girly man instead of something cool like a Space Marine or a Master Chief Petty Officer with rebounding health you know something original… I suppose that since this lolikit is a hippie it was too much to hope for some genuine badassery and instead we get a festival of mediocrity of remarks that might seem snide to civilian dipshit but to an enlisted guy like me it seems too fucking polite. Also since the main douche of a protagonist’s name is in red font it is clear that CCY is just a lousy cover for CCP, I bet lolikit thought he was very clever but I have fought the Red Menace since 1989 I know how the enemy works. Hell even the pink hair was a dead give away to lolikit’s allegiance to Code Pink… Despite the sexual spectacles this game is “sexy” like like a prudish fat yaoi fangirl…the sad truth is that there is no sex! Hell there isn’t even any sexy violence! I played for 100% completion in order to be Korean enough for Starcraft 2 when it comes out and still there was hardly any blood spatter to be found…
Hey Owen the scouter only breaks at 9001, it can run negative numbers real well…though I admit penalizing you with a negative for every time you fap is a bit harsh.
Gaming is normally about getting an experience you’d otherwise couldn’t have like blowing up people into little itty bitty pieces while getting Amnesty International crying enough tears to flood the world. Not here though, as it seems to be a game for the auteur, a game not made so much to give a player a good time, but a game made for the creator as a chance to show off how great he is and to wank off to himself. Five minutes in we already see the Marty Stu character of lolikit himself insinuating that he gets to bang one of his students, as usual some big breasted blue eyed blonde haired bimbo, I suppose it is a statement on how much he adores the Master Race (furries in Mein Deutschland indeed). If I wanted to hear about other people having sex I’d watch pr0n instead as at least I can forgo the nasty hairy hippie and have some hawt girl on girl action, but in CCY17 the game doesn’t give you a choice and in order to curry favor with HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED cuts out the sex. I would have given lolikit more points for putting in his little fun time in the chem lab, that way he could be where he rightfully belongs…in jail for distributing child pornography like the Jap fag that he is.
I asked Alphard and Liang Qi to pass judgement on this game as well…I was severely punished with airsoft pellets for wasting their time…
Unlike a good game like say Halo 3 or Duke Nukem Forever CCY17 is actually a shitty visual novels made for weeaboo who can’t really play games and can’t beat Nintendogs. As such it’s a boring little game with dialog boxes out the ass and crappy one click combat in which there are no satisfying kills to speak of (Killing this Scott character seemed more like community service since there was no Achievement, come to think of it there were no Achievements period). Instead of a PvP kill count to track how much shit you are not killing you get three numbers which make no sense, I suppose you have to be as high as lolikit to find them funny.
Owen is also the lamest villain ever as he is obviously a lesser version of the famed Jackal from Far Cry 2. Owen is a shirtless hippie while the Jackal is a learned arms dealer, the gulf in evil is quite jarring in that Owen might as well be making friends with furry forest creatures and sing to birds. Speaking of shitty characters while beautifully designed were a blatant attempt to hide the truly hideous visages of almost all of the characters. I may not personally know them (well I do know Impz and they certainly did not even begin to scratch the service in his regard though I suppose the artist was simply too overawed to do a realistic depiction…which is of course forgivable), nor would I want to, but judging from how the Aegis Combat System is always identifying them with transponder code 7700…along with a huge radar cross-section I suppose that they are quite large… Also for a group that would knowingly try to ride Krauser II’s coattails they certainly don’t look the part, and I am sure that a few laws were broken in the process. I can only hope Krauser II rapes lolikit 11 times as recompense for trying to make money without his permission.
Who in their right mind would want to learn how to suck gold balls out of garden hoses? Also flashing gang signs are we now lolikit? The Glee Club isn’t a gang, you don’t even have guns…THUG LIFE indeed.
While one would expect this to be a full game it turns out to more insidious than an EA franchise as at the very end they promise to bring in more sequels and to bring you the shittiest DLC that would make Oblivion’s Horse Armor look like a bargain. The game is a total rip off despite the pretensions to choice it seems that despite going her or there will always lead you along the same dull paths (all paths lead to incomplete). Also for some reason we have to do stupid shit like troll club when there isn’t a manly mecha fighting club, riflery, EOD, or CQC club. At the end of the day CCY17 is not worth 60 USD for the PC, and there is a very good reason why this isn’t on WiiWare, 360 Arcade, or PSN, namely shit sucks. It’s linear, boring, the one click combat has been done better elsewhere, the writing makes Gears of War look like a Pulitzer Prize winner, and it’s over priced for an episodic game. In short Dr. Lolikit is the Uwe Boll of gaming in that his adaptations suck even when he wrote the original, for the self proclaimed “Serial Troll” the game spends an awful lot of time sucking up to people. Although, since he is a hippie he probably thinks that showering his targets with praise and adoration, and giving their egos a blowjob that he’s “trolling them.”
Ugh…do we really have to white knight this chick? Can’t we just strap a bomb to her and let her blow up the principal’s office…
I am being overly mean, the game is quite adequate in it’s beta form and is held back more by restrictions of the visual novel genre than any lack of elan on the part of the developers. Still I hope this actually sees completion as it would be sad if after all those donations it turns out that Studio Lolikit is just another 3-D Realms and takes forever to deliver their game. I suggest playing it for a laugh here or there, but there is still reason to hope that Studio Lolikit will actually survive to complete this project.
In any case the hippie wanted suggestions on how to make the game better so being a veteran gamer I might as well tell the weed smoking hippie how to stop sucking. Well here goes…
To that dirty old hippie in need of a shave and a haircut:
1. Needs more weapons and dynamic fisticuffs like Fight Night Round 4 (Don’t tell me you suck more than EA, hippie.) because if I am going to kill Scott I want it to be on screen with my fists breaking his fragile face bit by bit.
2. Needs more mecha, no seriously stop making homage to crappy harem animu and go with the best genre hippie.
3. Needs more yuri, it’s fine if he wants to fantasize about other men, but if you want more people to play put in something for men, and all men love yuri. Other wise this game is stuck trying to appeal to fat yaoi fan girls with yaoi paddles, and without lurvin scenes Studio Lolikit will be filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy before Christmas.
4. You’re an asshole until I’m in the game.
5. You’re an asshole until Calawain, EO, and lelangir are in the game.
6. Make Impz more trappy, because right now what you have, while splendidly drawn, does not do his trappiness justice.
7. Needs Achievements.
8. Liang Qi-sama wants Wii controls and the ability to import her Mii.
9. Alphard onee-sama thinks your one click combat sucks you need something more FPS, like V.A.T.S.
10. Music is lacking you need to level up that deaf lazy chimp of a composer to Yoko Kanno level. Also start with using The Winner when turning Scott into a bloody mess and have the ending theme be 10 Years After, trust me it will make your game better.
11. Needs genderbending.
12. Less furries.
13. If IKnight is not mecha, it ain’t IKnight.
14. MOAR Quicktime events.
15. Get a better writer, at time of writing Rhianna Pratchett is kicking your ass.
16. Seriously how could you not go with a beat’em up?
17. Let us pick from a number of protagonists other than CCY, he’s a commie and boring as hell.
18. Your M Rating is misleading, it should be rated E for Everyone like your Marty Stu, call ESRB and get it changed.
19. How dare you insult Impz by implying that this Omo can be anywhere near as trappy, we all know he’s a fat American Pig…
20. Needs Prince Ali to kill people randomly to keep the excitement going.
21. Your physics engine sucks more than Havoc, nothing even bounces…
Dude he looks like a terrorist without the rag over his head…not a terrorist straight out of hell.
Killing this fool was oddly unsatisfying, I could not bust a cap in his ass watch his blood spurt out in interesting patterns, worst of all there was no Achievement unlocked…thanks for sucking the fun out of killing people lolikit you fucking hippie.
That hardly does Impz justice…just saying.