Valentine’s Day Special – Harem Finder Service

A lot of whining of snarky-defensive talk goes on online on Valentine’s Day. But one person has seen through all the FOREVERALONE to make good use of it! Roghek, she of the funny and occasionally odd tweets, has brought us a breakthrough concept.

What are all this forever alone tweets? We have enough foreveralone people to make 2 harems, and everyone will have a harem to chose from xP

Clearly this line of thought needs to be operationalized. Who knows how many countless souls wander around looking to be part of a harem? To this end I have drafted the following form for Roghek Inc.’s Staffing Division to best place you, the aspiring harem member, with one of our many partnered firms.

(EDIT: apparently I wasn’t clear/over the top enough in this. For placement in a harem, please respond in exaggerated, character form. This is a joke, not a dating service, people!)

Harem Matching Form 14-A

Thank you for your interest in Roghek Incorporated’s Harem Staffing Service. Please take a few minutes to fill out the form below so that we may compare it to the needs of our various harem romance, harem action, and harem romance-comedy series and find the competitive love polygon best suited to you.

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Name:

Gender:

Type of harem sought: straight        yuri        yaoi      whatever floats your boat

Species (select all that apply) :

Human

Youkai

Half-Youkai

Magic or Ability User (includes Newtypes)

Magical Being

Robot/Cyborg

Nekomimi

Moeblob

Other__________

Archetypes (if female). Circle up to four from the area below:

Tsundere                                     Kuudere

Yandere              Osananajimi/Childhood Friend

Loli                                                        Senpai (ideal harem lead is younger than you)

Kohai (ideal harem lead is older than you)                                       Oneesan

Too-shy                                       Miko/Shrine Maiden

Imouto (non-blood related)                 Imouto (blood-related)

Class Rep                                          Office Lady

Maid                                                  Aggressive

Goth                                              Overachiever

Slacker                      Terminal Moe Disease

Fujoshi (social)               Fujoshi (slovenly)

Teacher/Officer/Authority Figure                    Idol

Reverse Trap                                    Other (fill in blank) _____________

Archetypes (if male). Select up to four from the area below:

Tsundere          Kuudere

Yandere          Osananajimi/Childhood Friend

Shota          Senpai (ideal harem lead is younger than you)

Kohai (ideal harem lead is older than you)          Angsty

Too-shy          Butler

Onii-san/chan (non-blood related)          Onii-san/chan (blood-related)

Salaryman          Former Bad Guy

Smooth Talker          Overachiever

Slacker          Strong Silent Type

Schemer/Keikaku Doori          Otaku (social)

Otaku (slovenly)          Teacher/Officer/Authority Figure

Musician                          Trap

Other (fill in blank) _____________

Megane?: Y/N

If no, would you be willing to wear glasses anyway?: Y/N

Typical dress/fashion:


Qualifications (relevant licenses, training, education, experience) :


Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression:


What would you bring to this harem?


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—————————————————————————————————————–

As for myself… (and fill out what kind of character you’d be in the comments!)

Name: ExecutiveOtaku

Gender: Male

Type of harem sought: straight  

Species (select all that apply) : Human (badass normal)

Archetypes (if male). Select up to four from the area below: Kuudere, Kohai (ideal harem lead is older than you), Schemer/Keikaku Doori, Otaku (social)

Megane?: N

If no, would you be willing to wear glasses anyway?: Y

Typical dress/fashion: Mecha pilot suit/flight suit; dressy casual.

Qualifications (relevant licenses, training, education, experience) :

Class III mecha piloting license.

- Watched Honey and Clover at least five times.

- Macross Lifer Cross – awarded for surviving Macross 7.

- Bachelor’s degree – mecha and shoujo double major.

- Master’s degree – shipping studies.

- Suave mother- shut your mouth (certificate issued by Hana)

- Completed ‘Immortal Colasour’ training in normal badassery and TAISA~ worship.

Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression: assorted quotes (and altered quotes) at random moments.

What would you bring to this harem? I feel that I would be an excellent candidate for any realistic romance or mecha sci-fi harem. I believe that I am eminently qualified to take the role of cool-but-supportive character who can quickly warm up to my haremette leader if given the chance. Until that point,  I would serve a useful role as a friend/team player/wingman (literally and figuratively) to the other characters depending upon the genre. I would also be enthusiastic at the prospect of being part of a beta couple outside the main GOOD END or HAREM END. Ideally would not end up as the supporting character who dies half way through.

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68 Comments

  1. Posted February 14, 2011 at 11:29 am | Permalink

    To be honest, I celebrate MANLY APPRECIATION DAY. Not FOREVER ALONE day.

    Oh well.

    Name: drmchsr0 aka Hamsterling

    Gender: M

    Type of harem sought: straight

    Species (select all that apply) : Human, Hamster

    Archetypes (if male). Select up to four from the area below:

    Osananajimi/Childhood Friend
    Strong Silent Type
    Slacker
    Otaku (social)

    Megane?: Y

    If no, would you be willing to wear glasses anyway?: Y

    Typical dress/fashion:

    Smart casual
    Cosplay (mostly Kamen Rider)
    Business Dress

    Qualifications (relevant licenses, training, education, experience) :

    - A Diploma in Multimedia Technology
    - Macross Lifer Cross – awarded for surviving Macross 7.
    - Rider-in-Training
    - Class 2A Mecha License
    - Super Robot Piloting License

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression: HE IS A MAN.

    What would you bring to this harem?

    Human mode: I AM AN ALLY OF JUSTICE. And probably a chill guy to hang out with. I think. However, extradimension cockblocking might occur, so please partner with caution :(

    Hamster mode: CUTE MASCOT HAMSTERS ARE CUTE OKAY

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 4:34 pm | Permalink

      Dear applicant,

      After reviewing your form we believe we have found a match for you. Given your experience with HENSHIN transformations and your hamster nature we can offer to place you in a Fruits Basket-style harem series where you will alternate between human and hamster modes. Responsibilities include sharing living space with similar animal transforming harem members, wielding semi-magical abilities, and temporarily assuming chibi forms of both your human and hamster selves. We assess that with your childhood friend traits and cute hamster form you will enjoy an underdog chance of BEST END with the main haremette character. Please contact the shoujo harem department for further details.

  2. Posted February 14, 2011 at 12:10 pm | Permalink

    Wait, so am I applying to be a harem lead that gets to select from the spoils of love and war, or one of the haremettes who never gets anything except random gropings and upskirt shots?

    • Posted February 14, 2011 at 12:16 pm | Permalink

      It’s to be one of the chosen, I believe. Get your skirt ready!

    • Posted February 14, 2011 at 12:27 pm | Permalink

      It’s a form to find the ideal harem for you to be a member of. There simply isn’t as high a demand for harem leads, lol. And just because it’s a harem doesn’t mean you don’t have a shot at BEST END. You’ll just have to work for it.

  3. Posted February 14, 2011 at 12:15 pm | Permalink

    I should be watching Level E, but instead I am doing this. Damn my love of time-sucking surveys.

    Name: Shinmaru

    Gender: Male

    Type of harem sought: Straight

    Species (select all that apply) : Human

    Archetypes (if male). Select up to four from the area below: Kohai, salaryman, slacker, Otaku (social)

    Megane?: Nope

    If no, would you be willing to wear glasses anyway?: Yes

    Typical dress/fashion: At work, mostly polo shirts + slacks; off work, whatever the hell is clean.

    Qualifications (relevant licenses, training, education, experience) :

    – Macross Lifer Cross
    – Bachelor’s degree in slacking off (aka communication); too lazy for further education
    – Vast experience living a frugal life, with careful budgeting to sustain fandom
    – Mind carefully crafted to always be in comedic and/or filth mode

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression: “Why did I go outside today?” followed by the obligatory head shake

    What would you bring to this harem? I would be a solid candidate for a harem about postgrads, whether lighthearted or not. Would be qualified for the role of goofy, easygoing character who is a non-serious candidate at first but maybe slowly picks up steam through a series of improbable coincidences and Meet Cutes. More likely, though, I’d fill the role of necessary comedic relief, especially if the series is Serious Business. There would also be a storyline where I’d have to choose between my hobby and the world, and it would end with a balance being struck, because you just can’t quit cold turkey.

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 4:43 pm | Permalink

      Dear applicant,

      Good news! Your postgraduate status means that you qualify for the seinen and josei segment, one in great need of new hires. If you’d be willing to live in a non-standard (i.e. run down) housing unit we can offer you a position as the scrappy, frugal harem member who nonetheless passionately supports his hobbies. Your resume indicates that you’d be ideal as a character that provides some comic relief but is also a sympathetic underdog for the harem lead’s affections. Duties would include sharing workspace with the harem lead, starting out standoff-ish, and having on arc focusing on you providing professional or personal assistance to the harem lead beyond what your resources would suggest. A depth of sincerity underneath the comic relief will be your advantage vs the other harem members. If a less than GOOD END is reached then you will have the option of revealing the fortune you’ve secretly saved up all these years and using it to buy the company.

  4. Posted February 14, 2011 at 12:38 pm | Permalink

    Name: Leah

    Gender: F

    Type of harem sought: Yuri or straight. I guess anything goes?

    Species (select all that apply) : Human, Action Girl without any magic

    Archetypes (if female). Circle up to four from the area below:

    Yandere
    Childhood Friend
    Overachiever
    Fujoshi (social)
    Cloud Cuckoo Lander

    Megane?: Sometimes

    If no, would you be willing to wear glasses anyway?: Yes

    Typical dress/fashion:
    -Cute, rather girly clothing
    -sometimes sports a nice hat
    -casual wear
    -expensive looking black clothes for violine performances

    Qualifications (relevant licenses, training, education, experience) :
    A Yandere in training. Is experienced with doujinshi. Is, thanks to Hetalia fanfictions, quite educated in world history. Will commonly quote tvtropes. Can play the violin. Beware of the knife.

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression:
    - wa~
    - ve~
    - OH EXPLOITABLE!
    - *arms crossed* -3-
    - *sits with her feet on her chair*
    - WAIT THAT’S JUST MEAN!
    - DAAAAAMN.
    - :3 *tips herself on her head*
    - *laughs at something that nobody would laugh at*
    - WAITA …. IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!
    - My gaydar is going off! *an ahoge sticks out*
    - *with an deadpan voice* Hurray. I am ecstatic.
    - ahhh~ Let’s torture him a bit, ana~
    - *psycho stare*
    - … Did you mean me? *after an insulting thing is said*

    What would you bring to this harem?
    Probably I would be the character to give support to the girls/guys there, helping them, and cheering them up. Being their big sister of some sorts, always smiling and being cheery, despite holding another sadness in the heart.
    Also, I’m already in love with somebody… so I guess I’m unplayable. But could provide fanservice. I’m not that badlooking, I guess. I will also try to protect girls that are being picked on. Yeah, I will kick the asses of the boys/girls that pick on other. With this knife. *psycho smirk*
    I can also play some music, playing violin, which fits not very good with my other features, being very loud and sometimes unnerving.

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 4:51 pm | Permalink

      Dear applicant,

      We are prepared to offer you a position as a ‘harem shepherd’ within a harem comedy series. The shepherd position would appear to match your preferences for not being a ‘route’ character and for watching over the harem members. In this capacity you would be the quick-to-violence protector of the harem members, frustrating both the efforts of the harem lead and any potential antagonists. Duties would include being a dorm manager, teacher, or other authority figure who is with the harem members most of the time. Combining the violin, violin case, and various weapons into one minute calm, one minute demon-looking is encouraged. This would also play to your yandere strengths. Benefits include possible beta couple appearances from your already established love interest.

  5. Posted February 14, 2011 at 12:48 pm | Permalink

    Again, EO, how does declaring that, er, qualification to the entire aniblogosphere fit in with ‘but don’t let it go to your head’!? >:|

    …however, technically, you are the reason I joined THAT, so I guess you can keep the cert.

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 4:53 pm | Permalink

      It’s a competitive market, I’ve got to pad my resume as much as possible!

      Thank you though, for both the certificate ( :P ) and the kind words.

  6. Nadja
    Posted February 14, 2011 at 2:18 pm | Permalink

    Name: Nadja

    Gender: F

    Harem: straight

    Species: Human, Magic/Ability user

    Archetypes: Senpai, Childhood Friends, Fujoshi (social)

    Megane: No

    If no, would you be willing to wear glasses anyway?: Yes

    Typical dress/fashion: anything comfortable, usually a t-shirt + jeans

    Qualifications: student, rabid anime fan (lol does that count?), writer

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression:
    -da yo/ne/zo
    -arara
    -just sayin’

    What would you bring to this harem?
    At first, I’m really polite and awkward around strangers, but after you get to know me a bit better, and if you have similar interests (ANIME) then I can open up quite a lot. Once I open up, you’ll find that I never shut up. We’ll probably have a lot of inside jokes from random things that we’ve done. Other skills that I’ve required:
    -I’m an alright writer, though I don’t know how that helps
    -Despite being a WOMAN, I’m not too helpful in the kitchen :( I can’t clean very well either; I’m pretty lazy lol
    -I’ll be there when you need me, though… I’ve got a nice set of ears, and I’ll always try to help out if you’re in a bind

    Basically all you need to know about me- I’m a Taurus. xD

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 4:59 pm | Permalink

      Dear Applicant,

      After reviewing your resume we have prepared to offer you a position in a sci-fi harem series. If space travel is amenable to you then there is currently a deep space exploration/combat mission in need of a sensors and communications specialist. Given your “nice set of ears” we feel that you would be naturally suited to the job of interpreting various sensor outputs. This job would also allow you to have a semi-enclosed workstation on the ship’s bridge within which you could build a ‘nest’ ideally suited to fujoshi activities. Your relation to the harem lead will be established during the first episode when he knows that you’ll be needed for your talents, attempts to look you up after several years (moved-away childhood friend), and finds you in your current fujoshi state. You will have an equal chance of BEST END as the other harem members, or you have the option of a heroic death on a mission performed outside the ship from which the harem lead will never quite recover.

  7. Posted February 14, 2011 at 2:40 pm | Permalink

    Name:
    - Krizzlybear

    Gender:
    - M

    Harem:
    - Straight

    Species:
    - Human, Protoss in Starcraft

    Archetypes:
    - Senpai
    - Childhood Friends
    - Normal (Don’t Call Me Normal!)

    Megane:
    - No

    If no, would you be willing to wear glasses anyway?:
    - Yes

    Typical dress/fashion:
    - t-shirt and jeans

    Qualifications:
    - Degree in Forensic Science, complete with sunglasses and extensive repertoire of situational puns (YEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH)

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression
    - Ending sentences with ‘yo,’ yo.

    What would you bring to this harem?
    - I’d be the one who sings the OP and ED for the series. It’d either be hotblooded as hell, or a hotblooded cover of a moe song.

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 5:05 pm | Permalink

      Dear Applicant,

      We’ve reviewed your qualifications and can now offer you a harem position within a fantasy series. Starting the job would require initial disorienting magical other-dimensional transport to the series setting world. Once there you will be outfitted with the appropriate gear via magical means and have several moments of shocked silence now that you’re reunited with your childhood friend/harem leader. Given the setting, you will be expected to enter HOT BLOODED duels with other harem members as you overreact to their initial presence. Be prepared for tsun tsun from the harem lead for overreacting to your rivals but be expected to leverage your straightforward nature if you are to have a shot at BEST END. ED songs will rotate every episode and will be in the format of duets between the harem lead and one harem member per ED. This will allow you to do the singing for which you applied.

  8. Posted February 14, 2011 at 2:49 pm | Permalink

    Name: Foshizzel

    Gender: Male

    Type of harem sought: straight

    Species :Human

    Archetypes: Schemer/Keikaku Doori,Onii-san/chan (blood-related),Former Bad Guy,Strong Silent Type

    Megane?: No

    If no, would you be willing to wear glasses anyway?: Yes only if they make me look more evil.

    Typical dress/fashion: Dark clothes, dress pants,black cape!

    Qualifications :
    Fighting,blowing things up, lots of bleach,One piece

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression: “LOL NOOB YOU GOT PWNED”

    What would you bring to this harem?
    Plans for world domination of course! need someone killed off or someone to draw up plans for bad ass weapons? Thats my job!

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 5:12 pm | Permalink

      Dear Applicant,

      We’re pleased to be able to offer you a semi-villainous role in a fantasy harem! Your traits and especially your blood relation to the harem leader will enable you to excel as a borderline evil harem member. Series will be left with as ambiguous conclusion as possible regarding shipping so that goth/angsty-loving fangirls can pair you with the harem lead to their hearts’ content. Please be aware however that your traits and membership in a harem show will almost certainly lead to your pairing in fanfiction with other male characters. A few scenes of semi-fanservice to this effect will be required in the show, however you will get a cut of the merchandise royalties as compensation.

  9. Posted February 14, 2011 at 3:08 pm | Permalink

    Name: James

    Gender: Male

    Type of harem sought: straight

    Species (select all that apply) : Half-Youkai (half human, half fox)

    Archetypes (if male). Select up to four from the area below:
    Osananajimi/Childhood Friend
    Onii-san/chan (blood-related)
    Musician
    Tsundere

    Megane?: Yes, on certain occasions

    Typical dress/fashion: Polo shirt, Jeans (shorts during the mild weather)

    Qualifications (relevant licenses, training, education, experience) :
    Computers
    Music
    Bachelor’s degree in Business

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression:
    None

    What would you bring to this harem?
    I want to bring more highly TECHNICAL MOE~ girls… and tsundere girls with little fanservice as possible…

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 5:16 pm | Permalink

      Dear Applicant,

      While we are unable to offer you a position in a harem based on your resume and interests, we have referred your resume to the Moe Design and Engineering Corporation due to your interests in the technical specifications of moe. Please contact their HR department regarding their recently opened moe engineering researcher position.

  10. Blackholeheart
    Posted February 14, 2011 at 3:17 pm | Permalink

    Name: Blackholeheart

    Gender: Male

    Type of harem sought: whatever floats your boat

    Species (select all that apply) :

    Human

    Magic or Ability User (includes Newtypes)

    Robot/Cyborg

    Archetypes (if male). Select up to four from the area below:

    Kuudere

    Senpai (ideal harem lead is younger than you)

    Former Bad Guy

    Strong Silent Type

    Megane?: N

    If no, would you be willing to wear glasses anyway?: Y

    Typical dress/fashion:

    Equally at home in fatigues or imperial fleet dress uniforms.

    Qualifications (relevant licenses, training, education, experience) :

    Starship operations license 1-S (Up to and including dreadnoughts and supercarriers

    Mecha operations and maintenance licenses

    Infiltration and counter-espionage

    Marathoned Macross 7 and lived

    Watches more shoujo than is heathy

    Swordsman

    Good cook

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression:

    …and then it blew up.

    What would you bring to this harem?

    Was voted most likely to die heroicly to aid in main character development only to show up a few episodes later with a few bandages and the harem lead’s mid-season upgrade.

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 5:22 pm | Permalink

      Dear Applicant,

      Given your biomechanical nature we have found you well suited to a harem role in an action scifi series with a harem cast. There are two similar positions available in this field. One is as a ‘guardian’ type of character for a younger harem lead, based on your senpai status. This job would be similar in many ways to Ziggy from Xenosaga and would likely only be a small sized harem. The other is as a combat operative in a not-technically-a-harem-but-really-it-is similar to a reverse Gundam SEED Destiny Athrun’s harem. This would entail you joining a ship’s crew as a disgraced or otherwise menacing character that adjusts and warms over time. Harem size will be larger but this position offers the opportunity for mecha piloting.

  11. Posted February 14, 2011 at 3:34 pm | Permalink

    Name: Landon

    Gender: Male

    Type of harem sought: Straight

    Species: Human/Former Chosen One

    Archetypes (Male): Former Bad Guy, Slacker, Teacher/Authority Figure, Absent-Minded/Head in the Clouds

    Megane?: N

    If no, would you be willing to wear glasses anyway?: N

    Typical dress/fashion: Black denim, black leather, dark-colored dress shirts. All regardless of social situation. I’m from Texas. Demin is all-purpose, even for formal wear.

    Qualifications (relevant licenses, training, education, experience) : Failed legendary hero turned failed villain turned educator trying to escape from his past by going “lalala I can’t hear you” when it comes up. BA in Bullshiting (aka Liberal Arts/Writing). Shooting skills honed through Duck Hunt.

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression: JET PIRANHAS! (When the villain unleashes them on the heroes.)

    What would you bring to this harem? Would be ideal for a urban fantasy/sci fi/horror-themed action-ish show with a harem theme. Would be the “Veteran” that’s seen it all before and can help the less-experienced types get used to the harsh life of being in such a story. Is also probably a former ally of the villain and knows his plans. Ideal for a dramatic near-finale scene where he dies protecting the others and finally confesses his feelings for the lead haremette’s best gal pal.

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 5:33 pm | Permalink

      Dear Applicant,

      After reviewing your qualifications we would like to offer you a position as a teacher/instructor in an urban fantasy setting. Duties would include teacher or professor for one of the harem leader’s classes as a day job while performing a similar teaching role for other characters involved in the fantasy conflict that the story revolves around. In the capacity of the day job you should play up the ‘head in clouds’ trait while becoming somewhat more serious in the latter job. Given your preference for a dramatic death confession the story will eventually shift you out of a strictly harem role to one of an unspoken love interest for the harem lead’s older sister who would become involved in the fantasy conflict roughly 1/2 through the series.

  12. Posted February 14, 2011 at 4:06 pm | Permalink

    Name: Dliessmgg

    Gender: f

    Type of harem sought: anything goes

    Species : Human

    Archetypes (if female). Circle up to four from the area below: Kuudere, Oneesan, Fujoshi (slovenly), Reverse Trap

    Megane?: Y

    Typical dress/fashion: long-sleeved shirts and jeans, normally black or dark grey, sometimes blue; for outside: light shoes, brown leather jacket or black hoodie, sometimes grey scarf

    Qualifications (relevant licenses, training, education, experience) : math student, rather knowledgeable about LotR, can cook a little

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression:
    - “LET’S SEED SOME DESPAIR!” (hammed up)
    - “Life is hard, get over it.”
    - “Kids these days.”
    - “What did you do this time?” *eyeroll*
    - *facepalm* “Oh dear.”

    What would you bring to this harem?
    The one to chill out with. Snarky comments. The cool older sis type. Incredible nerdyness.

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 5:39 pm | Permalink

      Dear Applicant,

      We are pleased to be able to offer you an ‘evolving reverse trap’ contract with either a straight or yuri romance-comedy harem. Initial appearances would be as a reverse trap until the “y-y-you’re a g-g-girl!” reveal moment roughly two or three episodes into the series. After which time your duties would include becoming closer to the harem lead as his/her best friend and advisor. This will be the springboard for your chances of BEST END but also a potential weakness due to being friendzoned. The approach you take towards the harem lead is your’s to decide and could include a sudden realization of feelings for a friend, tsundere reactions to increasing closeness, or angry ‘protecting’ of the harem lead to save him/her for yourself.

  13. Posted February 14, 2011 at 4:22 pm | Permalink

    Name: Baka-Raptor

    Gender: Male

    Type of harem sought: straight, yuri

    Species (select all that apply): Human, Dinosaur

    Archetypes (if male). Select up to four from the area below: Butler, Smooth Talker

    Megane?: Yes (monacle)

    Typical dress/fashion: Tuxedo, Top Hat

    Qualifications (relevant licenses, training, education, experience) :

    - PhD in Domestic Engineering from MIT
    - Certified Pornography Sommelier
    - 2010 Aniblog League Fantasy Football Champion
    - Crappy Musician (chicks dig that)
    - Suave mother- shut your mouth (certificate issued by Hana)

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression: -gao, raised eyebrow

    What would you bring to this harem? Perspective.

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 5:46 pm | Permalink

      Dear Applicant,

      We have noticed an error in your application. We have no record of your “Suave mother- shut your mouth” certificate from Hana Associates. However we have located in our records the “Suave mother- shut your mouth” certificate as issued by The Collective Will of the Universe for exemplary communication skills in both English and velociraptor shrieks and clicks.

      Given your experience, we’re pleased to offer you a position as a smooth talking raptor butler for an odd fantasy/time-traveling harem comedy. To interact with the human characters this position would entail transformation to human form for most of your duties. However you would be free to resort to dinosaur form for any confrontations, angry moments, or at your leisure.

      • Kherubim
        Posted February 18, 2011 at 2:57 am | Permalink

        Why would a raptor combat butler need to be in human form when a talking man-sized dinosaur in a butler uniform is infinitely more awesome?

  14. EvilDevil
    Posted February 14, 2011 at 4:30 pm | Permalink

    Name: EvilDevil

    Gender: Male

    Type of harem sought: straight or yuri (I dont know how will this work, but I did heard that there was this “Spring of Drowned Girl” in China…)

    Species (select all that apply) : Human, Wizard

    Archetypes (if male). Select up to four from the area below: Kuudere, Kohai, Slacker, Otaku (slovenly)

    Megane?: Y

    If no, would you be willing to wear glasses anyway?: Y

    Typical dress/fashion: Mostly casual, there is the occasional trench coat, and fedora hat followed with a red neck tie.

    Qualifications (relevant licenses, training, education, experience) :
    *Four years of High School of the Dead with extra curricular activities with foraging
    *Four years of Villainy Liberal Education of Neutral Chaos College
    *Bachelors Degree in Immoral Hentai Studies with a Major in Yuriology Deviancy, and a Minor in Loliconology
    *Participated in an understudy in Tentacology, providing a thesis regarding the origin/myth of tentacles and how they continue to struggle in modern society for equal opportunities in other industries besides the sex industry.
    *Lifetime Member of the Church of Konata/Kagami Ship, it was declared a dangerous cult by the government recently
    *License to Kill REVOKED
    *Supervillain License (SUSPENDED: On grounds for trying to brainwash all the women on the world to be his girlfriend, including other guys’ girlfriends. Court still undecided regarding the Bro-code violation).
    *Mama’s boy Certificate of Authenticity

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression:
    Oh, hell… followed by impending doom.

    What would you bring to this harem?
    You know, typical guy seeking a harem that will help me to conquer the world. I just like girls that are smart enough to hack the government computers to steal their files, sexy enough to distract the guards during my escape, and badass enough to protect me from annoying wanna-be heroes. I dont mind if my harem has a mixture of other Archetypes as I am willing to share and try to work hard to spread around more of me so I can become a more generous human being. I am willing to put my ambitions for galactic/world conquest on hold and prioritize a committed relationship if we ever reach that level in our harm relationship. Fair warning, Death Flags may be developed during my pursuit of commitment, and probably followed by “Nice Boat” Ending.

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 5:53 pm | Permalink

      Dear Applicant,

      Your interest in gender-changing springs and your degree in Yuriology Deviancy indicate that you would be a perfect match for a perverted yuri harem comedy series. A magic substance or spell would facilitate your transformation into the appropriate gender for yuri. In this role you would change from the slovenly acquaintance of the harem lead and other harem members to a cutesy loli female that all the other characters want to do “this and that” to. Of course this would only further conceal your evil intentions and lead to a comedy dynamic of inverted expectations when new characters encounter you. The position also entails frequent HAREM END daydreams on your part. HAREM END may be a possibility, especially on the DVD extra episodes.

  15. Posted February 14, 2011 at 4:31 pm | Permalink

    Name: Nazarielle

    Gender: Male

    Type of harem sought: whatever floats your boat

    Species (select all that apply) : Human

    Archetypes (if male). Select up to four from the area below: Trap

    Megane?: Y

    Typical dress/fashion:
    Trap mode – gothic lolita, lotsa frills, with a ribbon tying back some of my hair just above the ear
    Normal mode – school uniform or suit, with tie and blazer

    Qualifications (relevant licenses, training, education, experience) :

    Right Hand man of Stripey, Lord of Goth-Lolis.
    Master’s Degree – Bishoujo Arts

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression:
    The tanuki is strong with me.

    What would you bring to this harem?
    I would provide the trap that ever harem needs to threaten those people not confident with their sexuality :3

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 5:58 pm | Permalink

      Dear Applicant,

      We’re pleased to offer you an entry-level position in the dynamic and fast growing world of traps! Demand in this job sector has grown exponentially in recent years and this is the perfect opportunity for you to get in on the ground floor. We can offer you a variety of harem series to be a member of, with a focus on comedy and romance-comedy harems. However you will likely attract considerable attention from Shinn. But if you are comfortable with this then you should have an exciting career ahead of you!

  16. fathomlessblue
    Posted February 14, 2011 at 5:39 pm | Permalink

    Name: Sue Dohnem

    Gender: Male.

    Type of harem sought: Straight.

    Species (select all that apply) : Human for the most part, Nekomimi when I’m feeling frisky.

    Archetypes (if male). Kuudere (shock horror), Former Bad Guy, (Space)Butler, Social Drunk.

    Megane?: Nay.

    If no, would you be willing to wear glasses anyway?: Shutter shades and Gaga approved items only!

    Typical dress/fashion: Waistcoats in winter, togas in summer, and Shiki/casual for all other.

    Qualifications (relevant licenses, training, education, experience) :

    B.A. = Mickey Mouse studies
    Masters = Evangelion Social Skills 101
    Cub Scouts = Endless Eight 100% Completion Survival Award
    10m Swimming Badge = Forthcoming

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression:

    “I regret nothing!”
    “I’m not saying your wrong, I’m just saying I’m right!”
    “What would Dumbledore do?”

    What would you bring to this harem?
    Regret

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 6:02 pm | Permalink

      Dear Applicant,

      After reviewing your qualifications we are pleased to be able to offer you a job in a sci-fi comedy harem series. Your space butler and former bad guy qualifications have led us to conclude that you would be ideally suited to such a series. Circumstances involving your recruitment into the harem would center around your defeat by the harem lead. Your sense of Lawful Evil honor would oblige you to serve her after she spares your life and from such beginnings you would become the comically evil, ever plotting but ever loyal space butler. Benefits include full health and dental plans and access to the spaceship’s armory (light and heavy particle weapons) for pulling off surprise rescues of the harem leader. Which of course you would never admit to doing out of affection for her.

  17. Posted February 14, 2011 at 5:42 pm | Permalink

    Name: Overcooled

    Gender: Female

    Type of harem sought: straight

    Species (select all that apply) : Human

    Archetypes Select up to four from the area below: Yandere, yandere, YANDERE, YANDERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Megane?: No

    If no, would you be willing to wear glasses anyway?: …YES

    Typical dress/fashion: Lolita

    Qualifications (relevant licenses, training, education, experience) : Knows how to kill or injure people in many different ways. Also, cooks yummy food like a good waifu.

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression: Kekekekekeke *hiccups cutely* kekekekeke

    What would you bring to this harem? I may be the typical “bad ending” girl, but think about it…all those “bad ending” boys need a place to go! Who else will deal with the violent boys who would crush all of those cutesy, shy girls in one second? Send them to me, and I will keep them busy. Ohohohoho~

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 6:09 pm | Permalink

      Dear Applicant,

      Your extensive experience in the yandere arts means that you are perfectly qualified for a recently posted BAD END position. Your cooking skills will also be of use in this context. The series is set in or revolves around a cafe where you work as the cook utilizing your listed culinary abilities. As the series progresses you mostly remain on the sidelines as the harem lead brings other harem members to the cafe. Eventually either the harem lead decides to pull a School Days or you eventually snap from your crush flirting with so many girls. Methods of killing or confinement and number of victims will be up to your discretion.

  18. carrots
    Posted February 14, 2011 at 6:58 pm | Permalink

    Name:
    carrots

    Gender:
    male

    Type of harem sought:
    straight, yuri (if possible haha)

    Species (select all that apply) :
    Human, elf is fine too. Anything as long as it looks human

    Archetypes (if female). Circle up to four from the area below:
    Yandere, loli – college age range, likes to eat sweets

    Megane?:
    N

    If no, would you be willing to wear glasses anyway?:
    it’s fine too but no glass is preferable

    Typical dress/fashion:
    school mizugi, zettai ryouiki

    Qualifications (relevant licenses, training, education, experience) :
    needs to be save

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression:
    use hauu if abused
    goes to corner if sulking

    What would you bring to this harem?
    she need to be saved and im the one to save her!
    (a good example is Lucy)

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 6:15 pm | Permalink

      Dear Applicant,

      Given your gender and state preference for yuri and female listed traits, we have begun searching for potential fantasy setting harems that can facilitate this transformation in gender. For these positions your responsibilities would tend towards that of a trap in many instances. However if you are comfortable with this then our staffing service can meet your needs. Relocation to a fantasy world would be required. An accident during your summoning along with the harem lead would alter you into a female character with the elf-like ears you requested. From that point onwards the yuri harem would begin. Given your penchant for fanservice costumes you would be required to undergo several mahou shoujo style transformation scenes (while no other characters would before battles.)

  19. Posted February 14, 2011 at 8:00 pm | Permalink

    I have a feeling I’ll regret doing this.

    Name: Anya.Fennec

    Gender: MtF transgendered, sort-of-trap

    Type of harem sought: Yuri

    Species (select all that apply) :
    Human
    Magic or Ability User (includes Newtypes)

    Archetypes
    Trap, Geek

    Megane?: Yes

    Typical dress/fashion:
    Jeans/skirt, dress-ish tops usually with a belt/string wrapped around the waist

    Qualifications (relevant licenses, training, education, experience) :
    Gundam Meister
    General tech wizardry and computer science
    Devil Hunter
    BlackCross researcher, qualified for piloting Devastator exoskeletons
    Can sort of play Tori no Uta on the violin, albeit with many annoying screeches.

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression:
    Suck, my, BALLS!!!! (Not literally, used in a more kiss-my-ass kind of way)
    This isn’t gonna end well.
    Oh my Luka
    For the love of Schrodinger
    That was a cocktastic lameass shizfuck.

    What would you bring to this harem?
    You tell me =)

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 6:24 pm | Permalink

      Dear Applicant,

      Given the direction Sunrise has taken recent Gundam series we feel that you would be perfect for the inevitable bishounen and trap harem series that it will likely devolve into. You already have more mecha piloting expertise than all of Celestial Being combined so that will not be an issue. There may need to be some work on your typical outfits given the rather extravagent designs in recent shows, but this could quickly be rectified during orientation. Granted said series will likely not be yuri oriented but we can offer you a yuri beta couple ending for participating in the series. The main selling point will be the male-male shipping as in AU Gundam series from Wing onwards, but you will be compensated with a share of the merchandising revenue.

      • Posted February 17, 2011 at 11:26 pm | Permalink

        I should’ve mentioned leading a GN Drive-powered electromagnetic railgun-wielding Puella Magi squad in the hunt for Shikis.

        Oh well, if I end up with a cute girl or trap like Seiko (Lovely Complex) then I’m happy =)

  20. Posted February 14, 2011 at 8:03 pm | Permalink

    (EDIT: apparently I wasn’t clear/over the top enough in this. For placement in a harem, please respond in exaggerated, character form. This is a joke, not a dating service, people!)

    LOL. Thatanimecupid.com. Book it.

    Name: RP

    Gender: Male

    Type of harem sought: Straight… or reverse trap yuri?

    Species (select all that apply) : Half-yokai nekomimi

    Archetypes Select up to four from the area below: Kuudere, Senpai, Slacker, Strong Silent Type

    Megane?: Sometimes

    If no, would you be willing to wear glasses anyway?: Yes

    Typical dress/fashion: Visual Kei

    Qualifications (relevant licenses, training, education, experience):
    - Weakness to moe moe kyun
    - Kyon-level sarcastic wit
    - Too cool for school, except not as cool as Usui-kun

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression: ~de geso~

    What would you bring to this harem?
    Destruction to my fellow haremettes.

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 6:32 pm | Permalink

      Dear Applicant,

      We’re pleased to offer you a position as a ‘reformed perverted classmate’ harem member. Your qualifications suggest that you would be well suited to this difficult role. Your weakness to moe moe kyun would be mostly realized through daydreams and fainting spells as dictated by your strong silent type trait…but not hidden enough as the harem lead or her friends would discover it and give you your bad reputation. However, if you work hard over the course of the series you may be able to evolve into a strong, supportive role and achieve BEST END or at least BETA COUPLE END with one of the harem leader’s friends or sisters. It would be in this latter phase that your Kyon wit and kuudere would come into play.

      (Thatanimecupid, lol. Though I think I saw a banner ad on MAL a long while back for an “otaku dating service.” The horror, the horror….)

  21. Kherubim
    Posted February 14, 2011 at 9:38 pm | Permalink

    WARNING: Liberal use of TVTROPES inside, PROCEED WITH CAUTION

    Name: Kherubim

    Gender: M

    Type of harem sought: straight

    Species (select all that apply) : Magic Using Human

    Archetypes (if male). Select up to four from the area below: Kuudere, Sempai (ideal harem lead is younger than you), Strong Silent Type, Schemer/Keikaku Doori

    Megane?: N

    If no, would you be willing to wear glasses anyway?: N (Unless they are either Cool Shades or Scary Shiny Glasses)

    Typical dress/fashion:
    Downtime: Casual Jeans+T-shirt+Hoodie (for concealing hardware)
    Let’s Get Dangerous Time: Hell Bent for Leather/Nomex, Kevlar/Titanium/Tungsten Ceramic/Carbon Fiber, Sunglasses at Night

    Qualifications (relevant licenses, training, education, experience) :
    Assault Rifle/Machinegun Marksmanship,
    Swordmanship (Modern Fencing and Historical Styles),
    Knife Nut when going stabbity is required,
    Archery (Crossbow and modern bow),
    “HIGH TENSION TAXI DRIVER GEORGE” Drives Like Crazy Style,
    Mechanic,
    Decent Cook, makes cookies and pastries, coffee nut
    Practitioner of THE SCHOOL OF THE UNDEFEATED OF THE EAST.
    Also described as someone never to piss off IRL… :D

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression:
    Crooked half grin (like a Senjougahara smirk),
    Saying “Ah, wasn’t expecting that” at unexpected or strange things as if they are as commonplace as half-off sales on produce at the local supermarket…

    What would you bring to this harem?
    A reliable ally and “aniki” type character for the reverse harem lead to count on in an Urban Fantasy or Modern Day Superheroes type setting, even if I may not feature high on the relationship chart. Not necessarily to be the one who wins in the end, but awesome enough to be in contention (or at least be an Ensemble Darkhorse). Also the ability to say the snarkiest or nastiest things with a perfectly straight face to put the other harem members in their place if they get out of hand. Also wouldn’t mind being paired off with any one of the “Those Two Girls” pairing, preferably the older onee-sama type character, or pettanko tsunderes as a second option…

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 6:40 pm | Permalink

      Dear Applicant,

      Your extensive experience in various forms of weaponry makes you a strong candidate for an over-the-top action harem show. Perhaps as a support weapons specialist similar to Drake Anderson in Read or Die, but with more shipping potential. This position would put you in moderate contention for BEST END with the harem leader based on a gruff but loyal and dependable personality. Possible plot branching could include a subplot or arc centered around you if the pairing with the harem leader does not work out, in which case the tables would be turned and the onee-sama and pettanko imouto pair of secondary character sister fight over you!

      • Kherubim
        Posted February 18, 2011 at 2:59 am | Permalink

        Yo dawg, we heard that you like harem so we put some harem in your harem so that you can harem while you harem…

  22. Keiju
    Posted February 14, 2011 at 10:28 pm | Permalink

    Sounds fun~

    Name: Keiju

    Gender: Female

    Type of harem sought: Yuri

    Species: Human

    Archetypes (if female).
    -Yandere
    -Senpai
    -Fujoshi (social)
    -Class Rep/Club President

    Megane?: Yes

    Typical dress/fashion: Casual, mostly masculine clothing with a military-style jacket and combat boots.
    Will occasionally wear very feminine, flowing clothing and become almost unrecognizable. Has a weakness for plaid skirts and zettai ryouiki and is no stranger to hair decs.

    Qualifications:
    -An Anime Club president
    -Always keeps a pickaxe nearby
    -Can probably outrun you
    -Draws comics (some with… interesting content) out in the open and during class without much thought.
    -Took a weekend course on stalking

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression:
    “…I’m not quite sure that will work…”
    “No one here has telepathy… right?”

    What would you bring to this harem?
    A sort of dependable, cool big sis character who most likely only works as a part of the supporting cast and will probably end up with another minor character instead of the lead.
    If this path is pursued by the lead character, they can expect stalking, jealousy, and other very possessive behavior.

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 6:46 pm | Permalink

      Dear Applicant,

      We have found a listing through one of our clients that would suit your qualifications nicely. With your mission statement indicating flexibility in pursuing the harem lead or a secondary character we believe that you would be an excellent candidate for an Amagami SS-style omnibus format show. In this position you would be able to pursue both routes as a member of the harem and display your full range of skillsets. Your arc could revolve around the jealous and stalker behavior while in the others you could be observed both managing your club and potentially stalking another character, perhaps with the help of the harem lead.

  23. ~xxx
    Posted February 14, 2011 at 10:59 pm | Permalink

    Name: ~xxx(arvincom in Tumblr and Twitter)

    Gender: M

    Type of harem sought: straight: Straight

    Species (select all that apply) : Human, probably a man of less talk

    Archetypes (if male). Select up to four from the area below:

    Tsundere ,Osananajimi/Childhood Friend, Senpai (ideal harem lead is younger than you), Too-shy
    Megane?: Y

    Typical dress/fashion: Ocassionally in polo-shirt and brown Jeans, most likely in White Polo and Slacks(Coz I’m in a University)

    Qualifications (relevant licenses, training, education, experience) :
    Mimics the Badass face of Accelerator,
    Plays extreme in casual Games,
    Certified Yu-gi-oh Player,
    Loves too Much action and sleeps in worse shows,
    Theorist in Puella Magi,
    A constant Internet User,
    An INCEPTION lover(more on mysteries)
    Has a weak spot for cute and kind Girls.

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression:
    hah? Weh?!

    What would you bring to this harem?
    Instant Fame and Popularity… HAHAHAH, MAybe… World Domination!

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 6:51 pm | Permalink

      Dear Applicant,

      After reviewing your qualifications we are prepared to offer you a spot in a college-based harem series as the tsundere childhood friend of the harem lead. In this capacity you would be responsible for harnessing your mystery and theorist abilities to rationalize and draw elaborate and off-the-mark conspiracy theories as to whether you like the harem lead and vice versa. Significant portions of your screentime would be devoted to these elaborate theorizing scenes while your best friend or the harem lead would be the one to snap you out of it. Expect significant support from your best friend character in shipping you with the harem lead due to your initially too shy nature.

  24. iamTN
    Posted February 14, 2011 at 11:05 pm | Permalink

    I would love to see the entries shuffled together in some fashion to create a harem, but of course it’ll be a non-ending harem series though. Bummer.

    Name: TN
    Gender: Male
    Type of harem sought: straight, but available for bromace if needed (sadly I have lots of practice playing hard to get in this regard)
    Species: Depends on setting. (Fantasy setting: Human. Sci-fi setting: Human. Everyday Life setting: Human. Other settings: Human.)

    Archetypes:
    Mastermind/Schemer (but only in a good way… usually… okay… minus that one night with the museum and that other time involving a plunger, a slightly used robot, and snooker balls. I swear that was it.)
    Roadie (I can’t play anything well enough to pass off as a musician, but I can carry and set up your stuff. I can press buttons on a sound board too!)
    “Being-told-to-shut-up-with-out-saying-anything-at-all” (This counts as an archetype right?)

    Megane? No

    If no, would you be willing to wear glasses anyway? Hmm… if they are safety glasses that protect my eyes from sharp objects and lasers, yes.

    Typical dress/fashion:
    Bunny Suit (wait, not that kind of bunny suit, the fully enclosed type that hazmat teams wear)
    Pants (never forget to leave home without putting on pants first)
    Korean Haircut from Korea (this definitely adds points to my application if nothing else does)

    Qualifications:
    World Traveler (Chicks dig international men right?)
    Confusing Emotional Dark Confusing Background Story (Refugee parents, born in an island, raised in America, family with character, international connections, secret R&D projects, and bears. Almost forgot about the bears.)
    *Classified*
    *Classified*
    This one is *Classified* too
    Oh oh here’s one… Plays computer games (Yeah this one isn’t that impressive.)

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose, or expression:
    *stare* Other character: “Shut up TN”
    “This can not end well.”
    *click* *click* *tap* *tap* *tap* *click* (Now imagine that at 150 times a minute.)

    What would you bring to this harem?:
    Foil character for the comic relief character, I allow those type of characters to shine. I will be the wingman, see archetypes and qualifications. Most likely would not be that interested in the main character looking at current trends of types filling that role. Therefore naturally be able to act as a supporting character to any of the assembled cast. Able to be used to advance plot lines and character development. Not too greedy, would only ask for one episode or manga off-chapter with a DAWWW inducing and hopeful non-conclusion.

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 6:58 pm | Permalink

      Dear Applicant,

      Your Korean haircut from Korea is enough on its own to qualify you for several jobs but based on the rest of your resume we can offer you the following position. Several harem series are in need of good bromance characters for support and comic relief and we believe you would be well suited to this task. It could also lead to hilarious BRO ENDINGS such as this if a game adaptation is made. We believe that we can accommodate your request for an ambiguous ending sidestory, perhaps with another supporting character such as a rival of the harem lead that your support helps turn from the dark side.

  25. Posted February 15, 2011 at 1:32 am | Permalink

    I don’t have a date for Valentine’s Day, but oh well. Here goes:

    Name: Reverse Vampire

    Gender: Female

    Type of harem sought: straight (sorry girls. I prefer boys)

    Species (select all that apply) :

    Dhampyr

    Archetypes (if female). Circle up to four from the area below:

    Fujoshi (social), overachiever, teacher and kuudere

    Typical dress fashion: Goes by the latest trend, usually casual (and not-too-thick clothing ’cause living in a hot and busy island can make you sick easily). Sometimes accompanying my clothes are stockings and a bit of classic black.

    Qualifications:

    - ‘AA’ class of hunting vampires a.k.a.: Licensed to kill all evil (and sparkling) VAMPIREZ!!!!
    - (Currently studying) Diploma in Music (Can’t tell you the full name of the course)
    - Sucks in bowling and never win after playing the 24835th match.
    - Sleeps a lot.
    - Eats too much Italian food if possible.
    - Silent lurker hanging around some Kingdom Hearts community
    - Has a sudden urge of watching Daria when nothing else comes to her mind.
    - Be a Galactic Pretty Boy (or Ginga Bishounen, or whatever you kids call it these days)

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose, or expression:
    ‘…do something.’
    ‘Never mind, (insert name here). You, go.’

    What would you bring to this harem?:
    Someone who yearns to open up and be myself even though no one’s paying much attention to me. Sometimes I’ll say the wrong words/do the wrong actions but everyone makes mistakes, don’t they? Progressively she becomes more confident in herself and finds her identity to feel better and fit in with others. Will not be a great or interested main character, prefers to be sitting in the sidelines and join in the fun if there’s a want to. Acts more like an audience surrogate to people who are this sort of character who wants to be heard.

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 7:05 pm | Permalink

      Dear Applicant,

      We believe we have found a position suitable to your interests and qualifications. While we were unable to find a teacher position that matched your other needs, we can place you in a contemporary setting fantasy series as the sideline snarky badass character. Your experience in vampire hunting would suit you to this and the sideline and semi-reclusive nature of your character would suit you well to something of a tragic figure within the vampire/demon hunting group. BEST END potential may initially be low but sufficient enough for dedicated shippers to support you. There also exists the potential for a heroic death that makes the rest of the characters sit up and take notice of you and your cause before the end.

  26. Mel
    Posted February 15, 2011 at 2:44 am | Permalink

    Well that was fun. To be honest, I just can’t be part of a random harem … so hereby I am applying for the position of a harem lead.
    ________________
    Name: Mel

    Gender: F

    Type of harem sought: whatever floats your boat

    Species (select all that apply) :
    Species, you would not take into your harem:
    Moeblob, Objects smaller than 1,65m

    Your archetypes:

    Tsundere, Kuudere Class Rep, Reverse Trap

    Archetypes in your harem:

    I’ll take them all :) bust just 10 or so.
    One should have a star ship licence though.

    Megane?: Y

    Typical dress/fashion:
    Appropriately dressed for the situation harhar

    Qualifications (relevant licenses, training, education, experience) :

    Master of Tactics (taught in the Free Planets Alliance)
    Combined Bachelor in Chemistry & Applied Medicine (not telling from where ..)
    Training in speed reading, martial arts and playing the piano
    … traveled the universe and plans on continuing this…

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression:
    “You seriously think so?”
    “Where the f*** are my glasses, who are you … and where is my breakfast tea?”

    What would you bring to this harem?
    Obviously the lead, some chaos and joy .. the usual things.

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 7:12 pm | Permalink

      Dear Applicant,

      Your qualifications are indeed impressive, however we only perform staffing services for aspiring harem members. If you would like to contract with our services, please contact the Sugisaki Ken HAREM END Division of our company.

  27. Posted February 15, 2011 at 4:21 am | Permalink

    Can I be in your harem, Mel?
    I want to have a female lead *___*

    • Mel
      Posted February 17, 2011 at 3:03 am | Permalink

      If you have no allergies against space travels, sure! ^_^
      And adventures are also included, I think .. and I can’t guarantee for decent food supplies.
      Well space travels and their problems, you know :).

      • Posted February 17, 2011 at 8:55 am | Permalink

        I’d love to be in the space! :3
        You can put me in every fetish fuel inducing outfit you want! (But I won’t do anything with tentacles.)
        Oh, and food problems aren’t a problem.
        If there is any food, I could also cook for you, and kick every monsters ass with this knife!
        …Do you like Yandere?
        I also have a Tsun-Tsun friend who wants to have a female lead. She just needs to sign up here. *cough*

        • Mel
          Posted February 17, 2011 at 1:30 pm | Permalink

          Hm, tentacles don’t mix well with my glasses.
          But what do you think about fur? There should be enough exotic cultures on the road to try out as well :D .
          .. And I would never bite the hand of my cook, so cooking is a huuuge plus in my harem :) !

          Yandere would spice up some very boring parts of the travel.
          She can join in later on as well when we can manage to give her a sleeping place.

          So who do We miss?
          There must be a “former bad guy”, a gamer (space ships run via a game, don’t they?), the silent guy, the always-cheery guy, … oh gosh, apparently, I need to roll the dices quite frequently to make the choice here.

          Is there any series covering a space traveling harem without too much tentacle-action, an 80% male harem etc?

          • Kohane-chan
            Posted March 2, 2011 at 2:43 am | Permalink

            Name: Kohane

            Gender: F

            Type of harem sought: whatever floats your boat

            Species (select all that apply) :Human, Magic or Ability User (Telekinesis)

            Archetypes (if female). Circle up to four from the area below:

            Tsundere Type B
            Oneesan
            Miko/Shrine Maiden
            Aggressive
            Maid

            Megane?: N

            If no, would you be willing to wear glasses anyway?: Y

            Typical dress/fashion: casual, sometimes sexy, a lot of black

            Qualifications (relevant licenses, training, education, experience) :
            able to draw manga
            evil stare
            tickling attacks
            trained in killing zombies
            high pitch screams
            trained in sale shopping

            Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression:
            “really?” *_*
            “kay… what did you say?”
            “no.NO. AND FUCKING NO!”
            *facepalm*
            “t-that’s mean….” .___.

            What would you bring to this harem?
            cookies
            a girl with long legs xD with a shoulder you can lean against and who likes to care about people :3

  28. Posted February 15, 2011 at 6:58 am | Permalink

    If everyone’s applying to be in a harem… Who’s the harem lead?
    This seems even lonelier…

  29. Kobukson
    Posted February 16, 2011 at 12:53 am | Permalink

    Name: Kobukson

    Gender: Male

    Type of harem sought: Straight

    Species (select all that apply) : Human

    Archetypes (if male). Select up to four from the area below:

    Overachiever
    Strong Silent Type
    Otaku (military)
    Schemer/Keikaku Doori

    Megane?: Y

    Typical dress/fashion:

    Weekday – School uniform, freshly starched with appropriate cover while outside at any time; shoes are properly edge dressed
    Weekends – ghillie suit, BDUs, or scuba gear
    PE class wear – military surplus PT gear; t-shirt has giant “NAVY” printed across it

    Qualifications (relevant licenses, training, education, experience) :

    *Transfer student who’s been through 6 schools in 2 years
    *Lived in Germany, Korea, Bahrain, Hawaii; all other stations classified
    *Expert marksman with FAMAS (as well as general airsoft weaponry)
    *Swimmer and master diver with certification
    *3rd degree black belt in Taekwondo

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression:

    *So, did you join the Navy? [General greeting]
    *When talking to non-schoolmates, use “Sir”, “M’am”, or “Miss” on the end of all sentences

    What would you bring to this harem?

    Love is war. Unlike the other members of the harem who go around with roundabout schemes, I approach all matters directly and decisively. Will really amp up the competition for the lead’s affection by going directly for the target and working tactically to eliminate possible rivals early and effectively. Sympathy is a luxury that is not available on the battlefield of love and I will show none, sabotaging the attempts of “friends” who get in my way. Nothing shall keep me from the objective of Best End. All this said, will ultimately sacrifice anything for the lead, whether explicitly asked or not and will work behind the scenes to fulfill the lead’s desires even if they counter my objective.

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 7:22 pm | Permalink

      Dear Applicant,

      With your extensive skills and high levels of….motivation, we’re pleased to offer you a spot in a school or university setting romance-comedy harem. Your initial duties would be largely as comic relief but through ruthlessly taking out those who bully the harem lead you would earn your standing as a legitimate contender for BEST END. Harem lead will likely respond in tsundere manner to your displays of SHOCK AND AWE but you would likely grow on her in time. Further duties include leading an airsoft or milsim club, giving you some cover and funds for buying all the latest military surplus equipment as well as providing you with a squad-sized group of loyal followers for enacting your plans.

  30. Marlkc
    Posted February 16, 2011 at 6:02 am | Permalink

    Name: Haruto a.k.a. TheOutsiderOfEarth

    Gender: Male

    Type of harem sought: straight

    Species (select all that apply) : Human,Youkai

    Archetypes (if male). Select up to four from the area below:

    Tsundere
    Too-shy
    Strong Silent Type
    Otaku (social)

    Megane?: N

    If no, would you be willing to wear glasses anyway?: Y

    Typical dress/fashion: Casual

    Qualifications (relevant licenses, training, education, experience) :

    ~Attained 2nd Year College and on stop.
    ~No Job
    ~Expertise on Computer or any Technology
    ~No Experience on Loving

    Unique catchphrase, sentence ending, pose or expression:
    “Let’s see…hmmm….”

    What would you bring to this harem?
    i would start as a total outsider and not welcome by everyone.While everything flows, I will be slowly uniquely change in a progressively manner and not with the adapting manner to become outsider to known/welcomed. I would also become the start and the end of certain problems that may erupt that it may held me up to ask for help.

    .

    • Posted February 17, 2011 at 7:25 pm | Permalink

      Dear Applicant,

      After reviewing your application form we believe we can place you as a harem support character with underdog potential. Main duties would include swooping in at random intervals to assist the harem lead and/or harem members but remaining largely a mystery until your circumstances are revealed. At this point your potential for achieving BEST END will rely on you allowing the harem lead to help solve your problems and thus grow close. BEST END probability is not great but still enough that you’ll be in the running.

  31. Posted February 18, 2011 at 2:16 am | Permalink

    This Is awesome, ahaha.

    I still can’t believe you managed to create all this from a simple tweet. Bless you man! you deserve your own shiki harem, you can exterminate to your heart’s content.

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