The Federation Taranto-ing the Zeke Fleet, Marida is who you thought she was, someone other than Full Frontal is a lolicon, and Micott is not the most busted girl in Unicorn? This post is spectacularly late because Action Dirk is a better action hero and I am back on duty.
We begin today with the alleged brilliance of Full Frontal’s military planning, while supposedly he made sure that Links would find the Unicorn again, but I wonder how losing a bunch of your capital ships and most of your remaining mobile suits to a Feddie raid can qualify as brilliant. It’s like calling yourself a defensive genius when you allow the opposing team to get whatever they want. Kudos to Full Frontal for being particularly Zeke-ish when it comes to using all your men as expendables, but come on are we to believe that one star destroyer knock off with a partial complement of below average pilots is going to dominate the Earth Sphere? We all know that the Governor of Palau is a moron but how is it that the Zekes have no one with half a brain to tell Full Frontal that it is completely nuts to lose practically the whole fleet in one strike for the sake of making a grand deception.
Full Frontal shows up looking like Char, but not just any Char but one that has an extra thirty inches on his waist line and shows a particular interest in young boys instead of very young girls. While it is common for politicians to be incompetent Full Frontal is not only that he’s also overly large and completely out of shape. He’s still running around in that awful mask despite us all knowing who he is. It’s like he’s in perpetual denial that he will never grow old and still insists that he is young and athletic when his fencing days are well behind him and can barely fit in his old flight suit. He’s 0-3 against the Federation and yet thinks he can still come back. In ages past Char actually gave a damn about the scrubs that were fighting for him, he gave Kycillia a face full of bazooka , but now he’s sacrificing his troops wholesale and has yet to so much as insult the Governor of Palau. I’ll say it now Char is all washed up he’s not the man he once was he’s not even a shadow of his former glory. Even during his CCA days he was still able to seduce underage girls, but now the only tail he’s getting is from a deranged boy that puberty and combat skills skipped.
The Zekes aren’t built for a marathon they can barely play one year of war and have been in a drought for 17 years. The Governor of Palau made the cardinal mistake of signing Char to a ridiculous 10-year $275 million contract and getting such poor production that Jorge Posada looks like an all-time great in comparison. Char has no more good wars left in him and I would not be surprised if the Feddies continue to sweep him in the ongoing war year after year because Char does not have the heart of a champion. You look at Char’s record and aside from his rookie year the only time he has managed to better himself was during his AEUG days. Since then he’s been on a long slow decline he’ll never be the man he once was and this fat body that we see now barely looks like him aside from the hair color.
The rest of Team Zeon is also looking worse off than usual. Ersatz Dilandu is not a crazy confidence guy, he’s simply crazy with poor production to boot. For damn near 60 minutes this guy had only one kill that was pretty much an assist from Char because ersatz-Dilandu can’t create his own kill. Left alone with another Zeke he could not hit the ocean with a beach ball and was expecting Links to stay put while he sniped from a distance. His shots from downtown are atrociously bad he’s well past 0-17, he’s 0-40 from long range. There is no other pilot in Unicorn that has pretentions to greatness and leadership as this guy. He can’t even be an enforcer with his poor shooting performance. He runs away from the knife fight like he runs away from a mirror. Still I’d like to see that miracle interview Char gave to the Governor to get that job along with ersatz-Dilandu because I cannot see how this is in any way a good hire for the betterment of Zekes everywhere.
Char’s underwhelming defensive strategy aside it seems that Marida is exactly who we thought she was, and I am not just talking about her being a cheap whore. Marida is a knock off new-type and a clone of Puru, this in and of itself doesn’t mean that she’s jumping into bubble baths for all to see, but instead she seems to be a fan of the worst kind of body art. Forget about tattoos Marida has been selling herself off as an abused fake girlfriend and more than one encounter has left a lasting mark. Now I do not want to judge Marida for taking on the profession of prostitute, but clearly her choice of clientele was stupendously stupid, maybe if she plied her trade on a Federation run colony she might not have become damaged goods so quickly, because we all know that Zekes really feel like a man when the push a girl around especially when she falls to the ground. Still the local Zekes really did a number on her not only did Marida lose a sizeable cut per customer but her health plan sucked and she had a medieval abortion. While I send my condolences to Marida I think she was probably better off since she would have been a terrible mother, Suberoa would have been a terrible father, and Palau is too broke to afford welfare.
Now to the two of you (you know who you are) who think that Suberoa and Marida met innocently on the street you need to have your heads examined. There is no way in the nine Mazinkaiser Hells that Marida was able to leave that brothel on her own to see anyone. Let’s not kid ourselves Suberoa meeting Marida was just as criminal and damning as Char meeting Lala. Suberoa was not a man of honor her was probably her best customer and fell for the whole “master” act. If you still need more than damning circumstantial evidence on par with OJ going down the highway in a Bronco in 1994, just look in his left breast pocket. Every brothel going Zeke likes to keep souvenirs other than venereal disease and I am sure Suberoa likes to keep his close to his heart. One can hope that Marida will show better judgment in the future but it seems that she has shacked up with Mr. Links so that day seems so very far away.
It’s not all bad news for the Zekes as Mineva proves once again that she is the smartest Zeke of them all and takes up a new prince in Riddhe. By and far the BEST choice Mineva has made up to this point in her life since Riddhe is a most worthy match of the landed type black sheep type just like her. While Mr. Links has habitually lacked guts Riddhe wasted no time in making plans to make off with Mineva and the Delta Plus. Like any awesome girlfriend Mineva even encouraged Riddhe to take care of his comrades and shoot up some Zekes, while there might be three of people out there who think Mineva is monstrous for this, the truth is rather simple. She trusts Riddhe to send the Zekes packing not go head hunting and scalping them like Mackle would. When we all look back on this Mineva and Riddhe make total sense and this is the tipping point that we will look to when they secure the OTP crown for this series. Mr. Links was done in less than three episodes while Riddhe becomes Mineva’s knight in Delta-Plus.
Keeping with the feel good vibe words cannot convey how righteous and awesome, for the most part, Mackle’s “I’m a Federation Cog” speech. The only thing that keeps it from being less awesome that ZEON IS EXHAUSTED is that stupid conspiracy theory that it was all an inside job. Can we stop with the silly tin foil hat theories? Because if it really was the case it be the shittiest conspiracy of all since Mackle lived long enough to tell it. It’s like telling everyone that casinos are all conspiracies because the house always wins, or that the NFL Draft is unfair. But that is only part of the ballad of Mackle since he sadly had to eat plasma for the sake of making Links into something that looked like a man. While there are many ways to go out Mackle went down with pride and would have shown up Full Frontal were it not for ridiculous plot armor that made a camera eye impervious to a point blank missile shot. At any rate Links showed flashes of what she should have been and not that whiney loser that we had to endure for three episodes.
Speaking of heroic ends I’ll tell you who did not die heroically, Gilboa Sant. There are plenty of causes that are worth dying for but taking a hit for Full Frontal should not be one of them. Full Frontal has the one suit in the Zeke arsenal that will not lose a bolt until it is time for a mid-season upgrade, while Gilboa has a low end Geara Zulu. When Full Frontal gets exposed for being the fraud we’ll all think he is during the course of the series leaving behind your wife and three kids will go down as one of the dumbest decision by any character. You can’t feel confident about his widow being able to feed three kids, you can’t feel confident that his eldest son is going to be anything more than a suicide bomber, and you can’t feel confident that his youngest daughter is going to end up in any place other than a brothel on Palau. No matter how you look at it Gilboa Sant has fucked up big time for himself and for his family, because at the end of the day you cannot make the case that saving an overweight has-been was totally worth hosing your family tree root and branch.
As for one more decision of questionable intelligence why haven’t they killed off Micott yet? She serves no purpose but just to pout jealously over Banagher and then comes to the conclusion that getting in the way of Riddhe and Mineva eloping is going to help her somehow. Right then and there Riddhe was doing Micott a favor and yet Micott was ready to rat them out. Love may make you do crazy things but Micott is doing stupid things. The one good thing to come out of Micott’s creepy stalker act is that if it comes to a girl fight over Banagher it will be her against Marida which is a very good match up since Mineva has no chance against Micott in a knife fight.
That’s it for this post hope to rip Zeon on time next time whenever the next episode comes out.