Girls und Panzer – 03: Panzer Melee

No, they are osanajimi…they have a pinky promise too…

No one is going to mistake this mock battle for Pegasus Bridge, but Mako had the right of it in that it wasn’t so much that Kampfgruppe Miho won but that everyone else lost. Ami was just far too kind to rip her rookies, but their overall combat performance was awful. I can forgive the StuG III crew since their shot actually hit, but didn’t count for some reason. The rest however failed miserably, clearly they had not be practicing their gunnery as they were at point blank ranges and still managed to miss. They have plenty of work to do and they better get to it. I really wish they did spend more time going over tactics and maneuvers as they did desecrating their tanks. Part of me wants Saint Gloriana to drive them from the field, perhaps that stinging failure would encourage them to go for a less gaudy paint scheme. Momo is obviously a talented girl but one does not use a megaphone to direct armor, YOU USE THE FUCKING RADIO. In the chaos of battle does she honestly think that her voice will be heard under the din of shot and shell? Momo probably be moved to staff duties as her talent is for training and organizing and not executing.

Miho is in a class of her own so far, but a rickety wooden bridge is not a good place to drive your Panzer IV let alone as a place to fire your 75mm. I’ll chalk up this outlandish farce to some one’s inept writing or some lazy animator who couldn’t draw a bridge. Still I am somewhat miffed that this even took place. Saori isn’t cut out for tank commander but at least she is Mako’s osanajimi and I am so going to ship that. Mako is sleepy and obviously tsundere for Saori, but thankfully like a good osanajimi Saori is there in the morning to tear Mako out of her bed. Mako isn’t much of a morning person but I am glad she decided to join in on the fun and had the presence of mind to read Heinz Guderian approved field manuals. If you still need a bit more clarification on the Panzer Fibel series, they were just handy operating manuals for the tanks of the panzerwaffe. Not only did they contain useful guidelines on using tanks and keeping them running they were fairly racy and riddled with German humor. Mako was able to not only enjoy racy pictures of pinup girls but she actually managed to read enough to operate the tank.

Saori did have a few contributions to make with her upgrades to the Panzer IV interior, and as much as she tried to lobby for a new paint job at least she won’t have to repaint later. Saori may have been demoted to radio operator but at least she is willing to ruin herself for marriage if Miho has to do the anglerfish dance. I am curious as to see how this dance is more feared than Nyaruko, but for that to happen they will have to eat a loss. Saori has little reason to fear along with the rest of them because if they have to do the dance then they will all be ruined for marriage together. As such that makes it easier for them to come together in mutual brokenness. That or they could snatch the upset against Saint Gloriana.

I do appreciate the British aesthetic that Saint Gloriana is toting around. The inclusion of a Churchill is somewhat suspect but at least it’s armed with a QF 6 Pounder. Their Matilda IIs will be more than a match for opposing armor and they not only brought in tea they also brought ye olde read coats. Still if they were going for the old cavalry theme I would have preferred to see Cromwells instead of infantry tanks. Someone on this staff is really letting their panzer nerd flag fly not only were the optics for the Panzer IV accurate, they brought in the fibel, and also had Momo pimping one of the more famous tricks Jerry used to clobber Tommy Atkins’ armor. Sure the trap diagram was overly simple and was a best case scenario, however Miho did have the right of it. St. Gloriana isn’t going to charge in a column and other than the StuG III, M3, and Panzer IV their guns are way too puny to make a dent in the frontal armor of a Matilda II let alone a Churchill. It worked brilliantly for Rommel because he had 88mm Flak guns to reach out and touch someone. The 88mm was not only capable of taking out just about every tank of the period, but it often out ranged the main guns of most tanks making panzer baiting tactics feasible. An ambush won’t work if you attack from the front and especially so if you want to do it with a craptastic low velocity 57mm.

I am hoping for Kampfgruppe Miho to make a good showing, but I really want Saint Gloraina to give them what for. Those dreadful new color steams have to go, and if it takes a Miho Waterloo to do it then so be it. I like this show but those paint schemes offend my panzer nerd sensibilities.

She just needs more lurvin…

Ah the Type 89 shows up to take all the credit.

LOL approved by Heinz Guderian.

This is what happens when you use StuGs like tanks…

Aye for the the firing of a 75mm is equivalent to wedding bells in our panzer poor society.

There is no greater love other than yuri than between a girl and her tank.

This isn’t girdiron football…

The Type 89 in its natural state, i.e. knocked out.

This is what happens when you simply charge…

Talk about shooting yourself in the treads…

Quite why the hit to the engine block didn’t trigger anything is beyond me…

Shipping this now…

I prefer to call it an ugly win.

Ami is far too kind…

I was hoping for the same.

Saori tells the truth many a T-34 crewman lamented the lack of cushioned seats on the economy model T-34.

I would have melted it for scrap to make a Panzer III instead.

I liked the original field gray better…

I hope this experiment with colors fails miserably, it’s one thing to be unique it’s another to be tactically inept…

Putting your money where your tank is I see…

I hope they secured their new improvements…

Well they do have to live in their tanks from time to time…

Don’t forget that the last ones standing against Nobunaga were the Ikko Ikki and not some poncy samurai lord.

Okay so which one of you is the descended from Donald Trump?

I am glad that Saori was overruled.

Yukari is right, more girls or no this was a travesty.

Good to see that tea time is still in fashion.

We shall see…


I think Saori was distracted by the pinup girl that was inserted in almost every page…

Ah yes good old Zeiss optics.

I have to be at work by then, so yeah kid it blows but I no money.

All the more reason to be a hero.

Mako is so tsundere for Saori…

Dere-dere Mako.

A sound plan only you need Flak 88s to make a dent…

Besides the M3 is ill suited for ambushes.

Momo isn’t taking this well…

Oh a gohobi?

Is it worse than a polka slam?

I don’t think you are even looking for one to be honest.

Ah the glories of the internet age…

Sad, but true…

Just Win, Baby!

I see that Saori did have a sleep over at Mako’s house.

It was opportunity…

NOW THAT is a school bus.

Mako may as well just live here for the rest of the school year.

I thought part of the panzer fantasy was to avoid traffic by CRUSHING IT BENEATH YOUR TREADS.

I wonder how big these carrier towns get…

They better hope that isn’t a QF 6 Pounder.

She’s up for some good hunting, can I get a “Tally HO”?

More like maintenance and logistical nightmare…

Mein Panzer can’t be this cute…

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  1. Whatsht
    Posted October 30, 2012 at 3:24 am | Permalink

    Mako seems to be an exact representation of the average teenager.

    So, how do you tell the distance using the triangles? I don’t really get it.

    • Crusader
      Posted October 31, 2012 at 6:47 pm | Permalink

      They explain how the sight works in the next episode, if you still have question after that I would be more than willing to try and help you make sense of it.

      Mako is certainly the most relatable, I hate mornings too…

      • Whatsht
        Posted November 1, 2012 at 3:25 am | Permalink

        Seriously, I have no idea how they tell the distance using the triangles, saw the explanation and I still don’t get it.

        • Kit-A-Ron-Ron-Kat
          Posted November 1, 2012 at 4:31 am | Permalink

          Basically it comes down to a collaboration between a badass-sounding Greek mathematician that would undoubtedly have been an excellent Panzer gunner, and world-renowned German microspcope manufacturers. The result is explained much better than I ever would in that link (it even has pictures):

  2. Kit-A-Ron-Ron-Kat
    Posted October 30, 2012 at 3:44 am | Permalink

    It looked to me as if the other crews all overshot the Panzer IV while it was in the middle of that bridge. I would have preferred for Miho to guide them behind a ridge or something if that was an intended effect. Also, I doubt it would have been harder to animate a good ol’ concrete bridge like you would find on any autobahn than this rickety suspension thingy…

    I totally agree this paint schemes are ridiculous – and what did they use on the 38(t) anyway ? Old paint from a Pripyat warehouse ? Nevertheless, as far as an advertisement for their own club you would be hardly pressed to beat the StuG III: Shinsengumi banners and the Legio I Germanica emblem ? Just how many references are they on that tank alone (I admit my knowledge of the banners is lacking here) ? Also anyone can make out what is written on its back ?

    In a nutshell, I would totally chew them out if they lose against the Brits because of their ‘colorful’ lineup, and I would totally customize one of my StuG III models to look like that.

    • Crusader
      Posted October 31, 2012 at 6:59 pm | Permalink

      You are not going to be a happy camper for episode 4…

      Their paint jobs are suited more for the parade ground than the playing field, if the OP is any indication they will repent their heresies and go back to earth tones.

  3. Posted October 30, 2012 at 12:04 pm | Permalink

    Those are some big cranes.

    • Crusader
      Posted October 31, 2012 at 7:00 pm | Permalink

      I guess they have some heavy armor…

  4. Posted October 31, 2012 at 2:52 pm | Permalink

    Does anyone else post here any more? Only three posts in three weeks, and all by Crusader?

    • Crusader
      Posted October 31, 2012 at 7:05 pm | Permalink

      ExecutiveOtaku plans on being more active after he gets back into education, apparently being a merchant of death no longer suited him. Hana is busy this semester teaching, and Chornolynx only posts when the fancy strikes him. Ghostlightning is likely busy exploiting the masses as a kapitalist and crowing about his Los Lakers and their shocking game 1 loss.

      So far I guess I am the only one with the free time to post.

  5. vendredi
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 1:31 am | Permalink

    Yukari scores 3 kills with 100% accuracy in their first battle and she gets reassigned to the LOADER position!?

    Well, that being said, I’m not sure if Isuzu would be the most reliable in the loader position, considering her track record with a knife in the previous episode’s cooking…

    Also, glad to see you blogging this. I can’t think of any blogger more qualified to provide commentary, given your preferences and the history of shows you’ve covered.

    • Crusader
      Posted November 4, 2012 at 4:45 pm | Permalink

      Clearly they need to reassess their current personnel assignments.

      Thanks for hanging around, I hope people will get something from our Girls und Panzer coverage.

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