Girls und Panzer – 04: Tanks Over Flowers

Can I get a Tally Ho?

As I had foreseen, the Ooari tanks were driven from the field by St. Gloriana. I could not be happier that the gaudy paint schemes on the Oorai tanks were the instrument of their demise along with Mom’s horrendous aim. Team Teapot saw the StuG III a mile away, any hope of a stealthy ambush were undone by their idiot insistence on having GLORIOUS NIPPON SAMURAI banners on an assault gun that was designed to have a low profile. At least the StuG III was able to claim one kill before getting wrecked. Not only did Oorai shoot themselves in the foot, but Gloriana saw the ambush and executed a text book solution. Oorai was out flanked and forced to retreat, the M3 might be pink but its crew was made up entirely of yellow bellied cowards who fled the field. Miho did play it right by going into urban terrain where she could get up close and personal to the heavily armored Matilda IIs and Churchill. Miho’s plan was sound, but unfortunately the StuG III and the Type 89 were not up to the task.

I said before that their blasphemous modifications to the exterior of their AFVs would and should come back to bite them in the ass, and the Omnissiah made the StuG III stick out like a sore thumb. By all rights the StuG III should have had a huge advantage in urban terrain that Erich von Manstein envisioned. Instead the banners did nothing more than give away their position for a well-placed flank shot that knocked them out of the match. Had they dispensed with such frivolities they may well have gotten more than a single kill. The Type 89 performed exactly as I had expected in that it wasn’t even much of a factor. The ambush was well executed sadly the limitations of that pathetic 57mm showed it’s true colors as it barely made an impression on the Matilda II. It’s not surprising really as the 57mm gun was designed to beat up on under armed Chinese troops and masonry fortifications. The Matilda II on the other hand was the quintessential British Infantry Tank in that it was very well armored, slow, and in its heyday adequately armed.

When the Imperial Japanese Army first encountered British Armor they were overawed by the fact that British armor was so much better suited for tank warfare. What surprised them more was that the British had anti-tank guns that were capable of knocking out Matilda IIs where as they had almost nothing to stop British armor. At the war’s outset the Japanese were most fortunate that the British had stripped down their defenses for the European and North African fronts and that Arthur Percival was a staff wallah. That Japanese offenses into India stalled and eventually ended in a route were indicative of their habitual ignorance of modern armored warfare as practiced by the other major powers. The Soviets had a great deal of fun smacking around Japanese tanks first at Khalkhin Gol and then during August Storm. I was very pleased to see that a 37mm round was more than enough to remove their hideous presence from the match.

Miho and her Panzer IV performed well though Team Teapot seemed to forget that they had radios and should have split up to get a better firing angle. Still the resulting destruction was most welcome, by me and the local townsfolk who were more than thrilled with the idea of being able to remodel their stores and homes. Miho did well to out flank two Matilda IIs and while she managed to engage the Chruchill one on one the QF 6 pounder proved to be better than a short 75mm gun that was meant to fire HE and not AT shells. I liked the urban fire fight because it emphasized how blind fighting buttoned up can be. The Matildas were easily out flanked because they were in a hurry and did not have dismounted infantry to act as their eyes and ears. Infantry always gets a bad rap in videogames as the lowest tier units, but in real war infantry have remained viable because they have superior situational awareness that is not limited by batter life or fuel level. Had Team Teapot sent out their tank commanders on foot to act as scouts they would have been harder to get the jump on.

The end result was a lot of wrecked armor and bruised egos. To add injury to insult the Anglerfish Dance was performed and I thought it was a hoot. Saori is now ruined for marriage along with the rest of them but I do hope they get to keep the HEMTT that they frolicked on though. Hana unfortunately had a run in with her mother who is a heretic that does not believe in the merits of panzerfahren. Her servants attempt to create a ship were dashed as he blew by Saori and Hana chose panzers and exile over flowers. Quite why Hana’s mum is so dismissive of a great martial art that is specifically for women is a mystery to me. Perhaps she’s just old and senile, or maybe Hana’s mum was a total failure at panzerfahren, but still she is wrong about panzers. After a while the smell of oil and gun powder is just as fragrant as that of a rose if you have the ideal temperament in life.  Hopefully Hana’s mum will soon see the error of her ways as disowning her one and only heir means that her flower arranging school will die with her.

Gloriana wins the friendly match but at least the Brits were courteous enough to give Miho the midnight tea party starter kit. I hope that the meaning of the gift is not lost on Miho and company, but in the mean time they have to face the armored fist of Saunders University. I am thrilled to see some M4 Shermans enter the fray, but I do hope that we get to see some Easy 8s and maybe a Firefly. Oorai better watch out the Panzer 38(t) must be upgraded to a Hetzer ASAP or failing that a Marder III. That Type 89 is either bait or should be melted down into a Panzer III or StuG III. Their blasphemous modifications should be repainted a beautiful German field gray, and last but not least they need to upgrade the Panzer IV to have a 7.5 cm KwK 40 L/43. Otherwise they haven’t much of a shot against Saunders University’s tank corps.

Yukari is just dying to upgrade to a KwK 40…

A fairly accurate instance of range finding with old optical sights.


She saw red…

This Lady is not amused…

Best way to escape an ambush is to go right through it.

Momo isn’t cool under fire…

I really like Team Teapot, they actually make use of hull down.

Oorai really blew it…

Too bad the 38(t) didn’t use Christie suspension.

Thankfully they decided to ignore the Not One Step Back order.

At least the Volleyball team is capable of guile.

Which is totally defeated by gaudy decorative banners of no tactical use…

Go back to the Gray kids, your ostentatious take on the StuG III deserved to be hit hard in the flank.

At least it looked impressive…

And are returning the shot…

They weren’t Queens of the Deserts for nothing.

I am glad the locals are so appreciative of the destruction.

But they never abandon their tea…

Momo has some prominent fangs…


Too bad dismounted infantry aren’t allowed…

And this is why you need them, to peek around corners.

I wonder why they are so intent on fighting buttoned up.

Yeah the 75 short wasn’t meant to be an AT gun…

Apparently Ami is happy that her colorful charges paid dearly for disregarding earth tones.

Man they can make a quick retreat…

I never get tired of seeing the Type 89 get blown up.

Shell Shocked…

Yeah, the Duchess finds Miho to be much more charming.

One must always honor their wagers.

One for all and all for one…

They might not keep their dignity, but at least I hope they get to keep the HEMTT.

This is why you don’t make wagers with your mates…


Just wait until this hit youtube…

Well at least someone enjoyed it.

Yeah he just blew by you kid, I don’t think hetero is going to work out for you…

There isn’t anything wrong with hands that reflect honest hard work…

Her true nature lies in killing you softly…

You flowers are softy fragile, and they are turning brown…

I disagree on all counts with exception to the Type 89.

Because no one likes a quitter.

Don’t worry she’ll blow the door open instead.

You ship was sunk, get over it son.

Well it’s a nice way to start off those midnight tea parties.

Why the hell is Maginot getting more love then Charles de Gaulle? Well actually de Gaulle was an asshole…

Against the M-4 Sherman, that Type 89 has no chance, may as well put the Panzer 38(t) on bait duty as well…

I guess Saunders has a much bigger tank corps.

It would look cuter as a Panzer III.

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  1. SayuriUliana
    Posted November 5, 2012 at 12:28 am | Permalink

    I was searching for the type of truck they used for the Ankou dance, didn’t realize it was an American model. Thanks for being so knowledgeable about military hardware. :)

    • Crusader
      Posted November 5, 2012 at 5:29 pm | Permalink

      Hold that thought it could be a Japanese 8×8 and not a HEMTT.

  2. Upscaled
    Posted November 5, 2012 at 5:03 am | Permalink

    Actually, I believe it’s one of these, made by Mitsubishi:

    • Upscaled
      Posted November 5, 2012 at 5:03 am | Permalink

      Sorry, the link didn’t work. Here it is:

    • Crusader
      Posted November 5, 2012 at 5:35 pm | Permalink

      I think you are right what ever it is the door doesn’t match a HEMTT, I am just used to calling 8X8 trucks as HEMTTs since they are the ones I am most familiar with.

  3. Kit-A-Ron-Ron-Kat
    Posted November 5, 2012 at 9:48 am | Permalink

    For a minute there, I thought Momo would pick up a rifle and a bayonet and charge the british line on foot. Seriously, here hyper-aggressive temper probably is NOT helping her abysmal aiming – or could it be she still did not realize half her glasses are missing ?

    “Well actually de Gaulle was an asshole…”

    I am curious as to why you said that. True, it is a feeling shared by not a small number of French, but mostly for non-military-related reason (politics mostly), and I would be surprised if that was the case for you :)

    In any event, a “Maginot” school of Tankery strikes me as a veeeeerrrrryyyyy bad omen for my country’s hopes in that tournament. Are they planning to fight with pillboxes ?

    • Crusader
      Posted November 5, 2012 at 6:11 pm | Permalink

      Momo needs to master her aggression but first she needs to improve her accuracy. It probably would have helped if she was a dismount but Oorai needs to work on a lot of things at this point.

      Well de Gaulle, depending on whose books you read, was a hard man to get along with and unless you were French very hard to to like in person. I give him credit for trying to maintain French dignity but he was very much “my way or the highway” kind of guy. He was brilliant though, sadly the Germans were bigger fans of his book on armored warfare than his own Frenchmen.

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