Higurashi wives – How safe are you from being dead.

Hmm, since I had been watching Higurashi and started to think about harem and all. I know that my brain is currently fried worse than a fully cooked KFC breast meat and that is probably the reason why I think of this topic. What if you, a harem character that is as stupid/idiotic/stuck lucky as Keichii to be around the higurashi girls, which girl will be best to choose as a decent wife? We will go down the list happily of the teenage girls and which girl would be the best prospect as a future wife.

This list is in no order of preference. Honestly, it makes no difference because you will die anyway, but the hell, we are all dreamers, no?

Satoko, Rika, Shion, Mion and Rena will be covered~

1. Satoko

You are generally very safe to have her as your future wife. Other than the fact that she might vomit, turn all white when you pat her on the head, she is generally nice, cute and probably be rather pretty when she eventually grows up. She also knows how to cook, would be submissive once you can persuade her that she’s all cute. However, never try killing anything for her, she will turn all white-eyed and white-faced. It’s not generally not supported. Oh, and do dress her up a little when you bring her to escape. Do not leave her in just a freaking towel for anything. Girls need to keep warm.

She also has problems sometimes when it comes to violence, so do not make her panicky. If not, you might be shoved down some bridge for good measure that will mysteriously appear somehow. Even if you hold on to the bridge that is not realistically possible to be held on, she will cry and step on your fingers happily, while screaming for you to come back. A little queer, huh?

Rating: 7/10

2. Rika

She’s so cute!!!! She goes nya~ nya~ and pochi pochi pochi all the time that she would probably be a future wife. In fact, the fact (wow with the englirish) that she could predict the future (amidst the morbidness) meant that you can strike it rich if you could get her to tell you the next lotto results. Also, she is a good friend of Satoko, which meant that you could probably get 2 for the price of 1. Not too bad huh.

A good point to note too would be that she is in fact the daughter of the shrine. To my knowledge, it is always good to be at the side of the gods, hence having her as your wife meant that you will be luckier in your life, unless the god proved to be a certain thing called Oyashiro. Then you are in bad luck if you are blessed by the gods. That is why she’s worth 8/10 only.

Rating: 8/10

3. Mion

Mion has big melon pans. Mion is cute. Mion looks cute. Mion has a cute character. Mion has a gun that can protect you. Mion is the head of the Sonomazi family. Mion is strong enough to protect you from anyone. Should i say more about this future wife?

Ok, i will say more. She can look extremely good in all clothes and the fact that she is in fact a very cute little bunny outside her tomboyish mannerisms meant that you will be very proud to bring her around to meet your in-laws. In fact, if anything, she can also do a mean speech and she will be crazily devoted to you, just like her twin psychopath and insane mad woman sister.

Rating: 10/10

4. Shion

Everything that is the same as Mion except that she’s a freaking psychopath that can’t wait to kill you because her previous boyfriend ditched her for some fetish pron with small breasts was demoned away. Also, she has a tendency to lock people up for her S&M tendencies, in which some include whipping an old lady, hitting corpses and locking up cute big breasted other twin in a flimsy singlet. Not good wife material.

However, she does look hot and is really gullible. So if you can get her to be your wife, she will be your servant forever.

Rating: 6/10

5. Rena

That is according to whether you think that Rena is the rather psychotic Rena or the smart, sensible Rena. In my opinion, her abilities might be malleable, since she has a love to go to the dam in which to dig out strange things. She is cute looking but all the other Higurashi girls all look cute as well, so it really does not make a very big difference. She also carries a cleaver that might land on your head. Also, unless you are a very big fan of face distortions ( i know there are some people with fetishes like that out there), you will not find her very nice on the bed. Just to add, even if you are on the bed, she might happily inject a syringe filled with funny chemicals in you. Tough choice of wife material.

She will snap easily if you talk about Oyashiro, even if Oyashiro was the brand of the bento box set that you have just bought recently. So, once she snaps, you are in deep trouble, my friend. She’s too wild an animal to tame.

Rating: 5/10