Zero no Tsukaima Episode 5

How to summarize this episode in 1 word

“Pantsu-washing!” (ok, i cheated a bit on the hyphen)

This episode concentrated on the 2nd year students who were getting ready to display their familiars to their congregation. At the start, we realise that a thief was waiting to steal the staff of destruction, which in my humble opinion, would probably be some baseball bat that has “GO MIKURU-RUN RUN” tag on it with Yuki nagato’s chants on it so that it would hit the enemy without fail.

“Homing mode.”

The thief, a multi-dimensional baseball player from the future in a different world, knew that with this baseball bat, she would be able to rule MBL (Major Baseball League) and be the MVP until she was 80 years old. Since the magical ability of the baseball bat was even enhanced by Satoshi’s spirit (of Higurashi fame), it was a rare treasure that the thief wanted.

Hence, she decided that by hook or by seduction, she would do it. She actually wanted to use the stupid old man that was a weak impersonation of Dumbiedore by wearing a sexy dress, not unlike Mikuru in meido uniform, but decided against it because it’s not mysterious enough. She also decided by wearing a cape, she will look more moe and cute (though she’s trying too hard, cos shana will always be cuter. Midori too). Still, it upped the moe factor, even only by a bit. I guess when evil characters were desperate, they would do anything to improve their situation. Sigh.

The day had came for the second year students to display their almighty strength in pwning more commoners and telling them to be slaves, just like their lame familiars that could not even hurt anything like an ant. I reserve my comments for Yuki Nagato’s dragon. Oh wait, I meant Tabitha’s dragon. A dragon was probably very scary since in my definition, a dragon was usually dangerous, spew fire and would bite off your head when you said that they were bad. I would love to keep my head and continue to do more reviews, so there we go. I was “forced” to say it.

The other characters started displaying their familiars, with some doing some circus acts in order to charm the audience into voting. I have heard that some of the richer nobles had tried to bribe the audience by asking them to call in more votes so that they would win the next Academy idol for familiars. However, it was immediately discovered by the committee and they decided to have a panel, not unlike “So you think you can dance” to decide the winner.

Saito: I gonna use my sword to pwn your asses, judges!!!
Derflinger: What if we accidently hurt the zomg cute Hendrietta???
Saito: You are right. Then there will be no other moe characters in my harem other than the meido Siesta.
Louise: Saito, you will HAVE PUNISHMENT IN THE ROOM TODAY! 12 strokes at least! No, 24 strokes of love!
Saito: OH NO!!! *flees from screen*

Due to the fact that Saito was way too powerful in his magical skills of pantsu-washing, Louise was way too proud as a owner to allow her familiar to be more powerful than her. Hence, she ordered him to just stand there and act cute like all male models in the catwalk too. Saito, with his great pride as a pedohentai pervert that had Siesta in his clutches (that bastard!), decided to throw swinging his manhood (his sword, Derflinger, not …) but was dragged away by the dangerous closet S&M mistress Louise. What a pity for the audience, as they laughed happily for the other candidates because they were given a let off by Saito’s special ability.

Don’t you wanna protect her? awwwwwwww xD

Oh, a very important point for the audience, the princess, who was probably one of the new candidates to apply for Saito’s harem (which i cannot understand why all harem females were so dumb to like such pervies), was there as well for the presentation. The princess had also a hidden agenda, which was to make Louise her maid (read a bit on real European history and you will understand ^_^) and was doing all her cutesy charms on Louise. Of course, since Louise has a cute fetish, she was unable to resist her charms and was gunning to impress the princess Hendrietta.

The thief chose that moment to appear and used her zomg wtf pwnage golem to tell Saito who’s boss. Of course, when Saito saw the golem, he found happiness to be in him and decided to let the golem grab him. In fact, the way golems showed affection was to grab their lovers in their hands while gazing at them with a murderous intent. Yea, you guessed it, they were like praying mantis. Once they finished with their lovers, they ate them too.

Oh, great love! Look at the excitement in Saito’s face as he was grabbed by the golem! He had to ask Louise to get away because he was getting way too “excited”.

Louise, with her sex toy in trouble, had to cast something to prevent them from falling in love with each other. She then tried to blast the hell out of the golem in jealously but instead hit the wall. The wall, of course, fell instantly in love with Louise since it was a closet maschoist. She had to then flee the scene to escape from the clutches.

The thief, seeing the opportunity to steal the baseball bat, did so and did the cliche evil woman’s act. I swear that they have a taped script in which they simply used the same voice for evil characters. hohoho. BWHAHAHA. mwhahaha. Yea.

So there we go, for the preview next week, we would see Saito increasing his harem by probably pwning the hell out of something or someone.

Can’t wait!!!!

Screenshots below: