ZOMG thirteensugars is my soul mate. ZOMG its Impz. Are you a trap?
I have to leave my. Okay Lupus I’ll let you rant on my blog and your Foster’s keg is in the fridge. Dang I was hoping he was your latest victim and some yaoi action was going to break out. Baka.
It seems that Gonzo is up of another round of abuse by many of the more learned bloggers. Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet though containing fine examples of ye olde English sonnets is now due for another interpretation. Despite the legitimate grievances of having Gonzo run rough shod over an honored English masterpiece and the obvious disconnect between this and the original source material, I am already signing the instrument of surrender to Gonzo. Since the esteemed Omni is much better at this than me I’ll keep it brief. Also I know I am very late to the party…hey where is every one?
This has been a test of Crusader’s brain. Any similarity of this test to real life was not intended and is purely coincidental. Happy anniversary you two, you know who you are… Many apologies to Lupus. Sadly because Shokkeru, Aezie, and I have Ahnuld as governor; Cali-solidarity won out and the Aussie had to take one for the team.
Our tale begins with a bloody coup by the Montague family against the reigning Capulet rulers of Neo-Verona. After killing the Capulet patriarch Montague forces prepare to engage in the righteous butchery of two children. When all hope seems to be lost, the surviving Capulet soldiery finally shows up to rescue them. Cut to 14 years later Neo-Verona is is decay and the nobility is in desperate need of being caught in a French Revolution; heads rolling and all that good stuff.
You owe 10 million USD for the use of our servers…ZOINK! I find my familiarity with thee has bred contempt.
The peasantry suffers daily under noble oppression and their only hope is the
Red Mage Zorro Puss in Boots Red Whirlwind. Yet the Red Whirlwind has a secret, he is actually a she and her real name is not Odin, but Juliet. After saving a poor girl from the farce of a Montague judiciary where accusations constitute proof she unknowingly meets the heir to the House of Montague and ducal heir Romeo. After feeling the beginnings of rabu rabu.
Romeo it turns out is like many kids with socialist leanings. His heart bleeds for the common people, so much so that he demands a thank you for his rescue operation. Suffice to say I hate the guy already. He them meets a Hermione who is not played by Emma Watson and thus is no doubt of inferior grade. Duke Montague is keen on having Hermione as a daughter in law and set up Romeo the bomb for the up coming Rose Ball. Like the daily routine of the wealthy Romeo needs some one to help him put his clothes on because his is a lazy prick. Though truth be told that the last time he tried to dress himself he put his pants on backwards and had is under pants on the outside.
Juliet would you like to join my yuri party~desu? Please come we can’t fight off the boys who try to eaves drop…Alright I got a dress on already, curse those stupid red zakus.
After going hither and thither and berating her custodians Juliet goes around asking about
rabu rabu love. A very boring question to be sure and despite the bluster of Willy none of them get even close to the answer. The answer of course is that love is like spice it can sweeten one’s life, but it can spoil it too. While moonlighting from her super hero job as being an extra in one of Willy’s plays a co-worker asks Odin to escort her while dressed as a girly girl.
Suffice to say Juliet looks just fine in a dress. While I eagerly expected some yuri to explode forth some fat disgusting noble man who had been dating his left hand for too long whisks Juliet away to the Montague’s ball. Juliet has an inkling that she had been in the ducal residence before but instead rushes to the fountain. Once again she meets Romeo and they both share a bit of silence before Benvolio rudely interrupts them.
Romeo and Juliet then enter some sort of temporal anomaly where in we once again see them stuttering and stammering before each other like Impz and Thirteensugars. Later it is announced that Romeo and Hermione are to be wed, while poor Juliet gets lectured by the old goat. So in her fury she attacks an obese human trafficker and shuts down his operation of selling peasant girls to lecherous nobles.
Then a whole lot of flowers and petals begin to disorient me and rob me of any words that I may have to say. However the petals are bupkis, and at the end Juliet is led to the ruined grave of her forerunners. There the last of the Capulet loyalists swear fealty to her. Understandably her illusion of rabu rabu gets in the way of her invoking kanly against the thrice cursed Montagues and the foppish brat that is Romeo.
Too many petals… Here. There. Everywhere! Must smash head into keyboard…Its my only hope.
Impressions: I hated being told this emo angsty teenage love story was a classic and was a credit to the arts. English Literature class was the most hateful time in my academic career, beating out trigonometry and advanced algebra by a factor of 50. While I am sure that the teacher who shall remain nameless was a swell guy he did not make the class fun or enjoyable, that foppish gusher. The books were from the 1950s and were falling to pieces; I think I would have needed a tetanus shot had I gotten a paper cut. Then again the school clinic only had band-aids and condoms to treat the wounded.
I really like Gonzo’s take on the whole concept of star crossed lovers. Gonzo Juliet is in every way superior to her classic counterpart. Say what you will about Romeo and Juliet being a timeless classic, I however always loathed how docile and spineless Juliet was. She had not even the sense to spot Romeo hiding behind that small shrubbery beneath her, and sadly Shakespeare had not the sense to include the Knights who say Ni. In this regard I like sword wielding, cosplaying, reverse trap Juliet and find her to be much more endearing; at least she fights for something rather than living for nothing (aka Romeo).
Due to her reverse trap status there is the possibility of two yuri parings via Emilia and Cordelia. Since I don’t know the actress playing Juliet in real life I am not inclined to boo due to righteous indignation. As the tart who played Juliet had earned my ire, booing Juliet was made all the more palatable. She sucked and since she was playing some mere object I stood aghast at how the school opted for this garbage rather than the Comedy of Errors.
I still hate Romeo even in his bishie incarnation. Where once he was a bastard tying to get into a girl’s pants and throwing around his love like poke balls, he is now a pseudo-liberal hack. Heck at this point had he been a communist I would have given him more credit. Suffice to say I wonder wherefore art a sword to relieve thine Romeo of life. At least there is a war brewing so it won’t be all that bad…