The Traps of Anime – A detailed analysis of the exotic sex

Magical girl transformation this ain’t. It takes effort to be one of the few, the proud, the traps…

It seems that lately fate has been most unforgiving and now I must resign myself to defeat. Impzie’s powers are far too great to over come. He has taken the bridge and I have lost the eastern gates. Drums echo in the deep…Impz is coming.

So as someone who has a record setting one hideously bad date under his belt, which sadly is more than can be said of the average otaku; it seems that for the sake of Impz’s relationship, the one who has to talk of birds and bees is me. Well since my overseer is a trap of sorts that must make me an expert. It also doesn’t help that my station is in the vicinity of a very famous LGBT neighborhood, not that I have a problem with them. As the title was simply handed to me I assume that the term sex can easily be changed for gender as traps do deserve their own, if only for legal purposes. Impz also put forth a 2-D requirement, and seeing how Impz is most uncooperative when lying flat I cannot dedicate this post to him despite my own misgivings. Besides this is not the place to describe the other things that occur in public parks and airplane bathrooms…

Traps (Sd.Kfz 142)

Only one in five traps actually achieve first tier status, as for those who fail…

Traps a very strange lot, though they are not to be underestimated. They are to be respected and addressed in a manner which they find suitable. I liken traps to Strumgeschutz IIIs unrecognized but very deadly much more deadly than any other character class. Traps like the good old Strumie need not be over endowed or be pricks, its what is inside that counts. No other group has sent the average male otaku running to the hills crying for all to hear that it was cruel deception rather than any attraction at all. Whether you adhere to the “fap first worry later” or “I don’t care any more just shoot me…” doctrines one must conclude that traps are the best deterrent to male and in some cases female aggression. Heterosexual men fear being gay far more than death. Just because a guy wears a dress doesn’t exclude him/her from going to the gym, besides traps are not constrained by the sexist notion of hitting women as wrong. If nothing else traps make good friends as they are the natural enemies of the overly macho and worthless princes upon inbred white steeds.

The average trap is a male that has dedicated his/her life to refining their feminine qualities. Such is the intensity of their will that they often out do female characters when it comes to womanhood. In fact they hardly ever, if at all, give it up to doormats and other such blue balled undesirables. That alone is worth praising no matter how much teasing or attempted teasing they dish out because we all want to see doormats slashing their wrists with spoons; even better if said doormat has the sense to use something sharp and stabby. Being a trap involves a lot of hard work as the very idea of a man going through what women go through is laughable in the extreme. However these proud few have achieved womanhood and have developed traphood into both a science and an art form.

Hail to Jun the First, the last Queen of danbooru!

While traps can never have children they can always adopt and as they are paragons of feminine discipline and virtue they make far better parents than haremettes and doormats. Nevertheless that hardly deters them from hypothetical, though I believe to be fictitious, pleasures of the flesh. After all the only way copulation can be attempted is either through the buccal cavity or the rectum, neither of which is an ideal co-location for a urinal passage.

The male becoming female is the most flattering thing for women. After all if imitation is a the most sincere form of flattery, then initiation is the pinnacle of the triumph for the womanly way. Traps of the heterosexual persuasion are far better significant other material as well. Being a woman means that looking good is expensive; I know this because I have seen the price tags of things they buy and I know that there is no equivalent to 5 t-shirts for 20 USD. Traps are very good at getting free stuff from unwitting blue balled males and thus contribute some extra income towards the purchase of feminine goods. Since both parties use such goods no one feels slighted. They are also willing to do things together where the average male will do whatever he can to flee from the salon.

Traps make excellent parents. Ranka-sans skills at parenting match his glorious sense of composure.

The rise of trap characters is indicative of the failings of tsunderekkos, sickly Ayus, mysterious girls, and other such dime a dozen haremettes. The surplus of bad harem and drought of good or even passable harem has brought about this change. In an age of gender equality for most of the civilized world there is nothing wrong with women wearing pants in fact we find that increasingly that it is they who where the pants in a relationship while doormats wallow in cowardice. We should not lynch traps or slight them if they choose to wear dresses and gowns, its part of being equal any person who denies such unalienable rights ought to have none. Though distinctions must be made for the kilt because it is not a dress and most kilt wears, barring goths, often have a claymore twice your size. Here’s a hint swords don’t need to be razor sharp to hurt especially two handed heavy ones and humans are squishy, claymores are not.

Reverse Traps (Sd.Kfw 142/1)

Ah, the stoic reverse trap is cool under pressure and armed with the swords of charity for all and malice toward none. Had more been in the Shinsen-gumi then the fall of the shogunate might not have been so.

If traps are more interesting than the average bland haremette, then reverse traps ought to put the sexually confused male otaku at ease. One of the most celebrated reverse trap is Haruhi Fujioka of Ouran fame. She shares the namesake of our goddess who wore a yellow ribbon (she wears it in the spring time in the merry month of May). Such is her talent that women swoon for and she has her own fan club add in some Renge-san yuri moments and there is little doubt on why her character is undoubtedly superior to say Ayu. For Ayu needs to cheat by falling off a tree while Fujioka-san has no need for cheap tricks of a dangerous nature.

It is rather strange that the reverse trap is not as feared as the regular trap. Indeed this oddity points towards some sort of double standard that males have been carrying for centuries, they know who they are. This is more strange given that the samurai of olde were using traps in their theaters plays as women were banned from performing. The fact that reverse traps are still a rarity shows us that being conservative is stupid, libertarian is the way to go.

Reverse traps are also low maintenance and are compatible for the sexually insecure. Like women, men like to be flattered as well and having a lady be cheap and frugal is a major plus. As pointed out before, money is invariably short when buying perfumes and make up of reasonable quality; thus the ability to share most items of clothing is plus as that leaves more cash for important things like anime and video games.

Only idiots chase after the overly beautiful, the very illegal loli, the deafeningly silent mysterious gals, the sister that knows you very well, or the needlessly cruel tsunderekko. Nay the reverse trap is the one to stay with because no man can ever win an argument with a woman, it is a scientific fact. However if the dispute were resolved with Halo 2 Frag Fest with rockets the situation can be resolved amicably without much bloodshed.

The strength of traps is indeed legendary. They hold annual tossing of men every December. The snow acts as free cushioning as well as looking super cool when doused with doormat blood.

The path of the reverse trap is by far the best way for a lady to get a line of suitors. There is no need to dress up like a tart. In fact due to the mandatory masculine wardrobe any modest dress will make her look distinguished and have men in awe. For if acts of femininity are rare then suitors will be overwhelmed every time it happens. Such is their success that there is no need to compete with other lesser women. Another great advantage of being a reverse trap is that there is no need to worry about perverts looking to lift skirts. Besides why men would even want to take a look at your nasty blood and possibly urine soaked panties I quite beyond me. I consider panties to be bio-hazards right up there with male underpants in use.

Then there are those who are totally unsuited for trap status. Though the grace of Haruhi-sama has blessed them for other things there are still those who try nonetheless. Poor devils.

P.S. I am not being overly nice because of Impz. Really he is not standing by with hammer threatening my Nintendo Wii. Honest…

PPS (edit)

So comrade Nemo wants a Mizuho “oneesama” pic to grace this post. So in return after digging through my archive I found one ep. So without further ado here she is the, woman that carried the dreams and hopes of many Mizuho…

 
The greatest example of shock and awe. The final blow~desu. No, those aren’t scars no matter how much you want them to be. Dedicated to those who believed to the very last and those who still do. May cold hard reality never touch them nor the weight of truth prove a burden.