You know something is wrong when Zhao Yun, the courageous warrior that struck fear in the Three Kingdoms Era, strikes more fear in me due to the large boobs in sight.
Due to the fact that I am very spiteful that many of my favorite historical/fictional heroes have been mutilated into lolis, MILF and huge breasted bishoujos, the second series I am going to blog will be Koihime. It is also known as the show with no between, because it is either that the females are flat and short, or that you can actually use the boobs as a footrest.
Anyway, we continue the story where Guan Yu and Zhang Fei (there is no way I am going to use the Japanese names for the characters) decided to have their jade flower agreement and conquer all the different assortment of fighting big breasted bishoujos/MILFs and DFC lolis in this world. When you catch them all, this collection of an all female harem will result in the most powerful brothel of the world: Romance of the Three Koihime-crap.
Next harem target: Zhao Yun, one of the five tiger generals, who has turned into another cleavage bouncing blue haired bishoujo.
This is not Diao Chan. I repeat, this is not Diao Chan. This is actually Guan Yu, the red faced warrior of righteousness and loyalty beautified. I wonder if how historical fans of RoTK will take to this bosom.
So, our happy sworn sisters vowed to find a master that is worthy of them, but in actual fact, they just want to collect a harem filled with the goodness of China. As usual, it is perhaps hard for them to fathom that they need a certain thing called a guy in order to somehow attract the opposite sex.
Nonetheless, this anime happily ignores the fact about a heterosexual relationship and simply plugs everyone in the RoTK world into girls so that they can sell more merchandise than Kanon (dream on). The director also assumes that all girls are somehow hard yuri toward each other, which is why the alpha female, Guan Yu, is portrayed in her greatness.
What? I have transformed into a huge blob of boobs without any brains? Arghhh! Guuurgh!
They stumbled onto a place where they found a detestable man guarding the gate to another harem member. Guess who this courageous
stupid imitation koihime crap woman was?
Fire in the hole! No pun intended.
So, they find their harem member in the form of honorable fighter Zhao Yun. Blue haired, huge boobs, they will definitely create a fury of terror with lecherous men. Now, when will we have an onsen episode where everyone will share some random bath and have stupid ecchi scenes?
In the historical text, Zhao Yun was a young officer that is under Gongsun Zan.
No, I am not here to steal your only harem member!
They randomly came to this town and was called up by Gongsun Zun to an audience. There, they fought hard mentally as Gongsun Zun knew that her only harem member was about to be stolen. Without huge boobs or a DFC loli trying to pierce her spear and creating tons of drilled holes, Gongsun Zun knew that her days of seeing a huge chest every week were numbered.
Yes, I want you. Since Gongsun Zun has no personality, huge boobs or DFC, she is unwanted by me.
Interesting. So, you like my huge boobs. How can I be sure that you are worthy of it?
Zhao Yun was unsure about the strength of the two and decided to challenge Guan Yu. As usual, they got to stretch out the episode for this haughty behavior. I mean, seriously, will you think Gongsun Zun has any chance of cockblocking… wait, they are women… Awkward. Well, anyway, you know what I am trying to say.
You are right. I will make sure you are convinced with my womanly curves.
Come on! Strut your stuff!
No way I am allowing you to monopolize screen time! Considering that we will have tons of women in this series, there is no way in hell that I am not taking over the screen time for the first few episodes before other viewers find cuter lolis to love!
For your insolence, I am bursting your silicon bags!
I am really tired of the many portrayals by modern day RoTK-themed anime and drama that portrays Zhang Fei as a drunkard that knows only brute strength. If you notice, all modern interpretations of Zhang Fei shows him or her in this case as a character that only knows how to scream and shout, and attacks with sheer barbarian strength.
Yes, Zhang Fei is a very strong warrior. However, in historical text, he was known to be a scholar that had a keen interest in drawing and artistry. In fact, from historical evidence, it could be speculated that Zhang Fei was an avid scholar of poetry and enjoyed writing poems while sipping his wine after a battle.
Of course, in this anime, Zhang Fei just wields her weapon and wildly attacks. When Zhang Fei got frustuated by Zhao Yun, she wanted to use her special move (charged enough power as usual for Musou) but was stopped by Guan Yu as Guan Yu wanted to show her love instead.
Can you see my red hot passion of love to you? JOIN ME NOW!
Guan Yu simply stole there and started to show her aura. It is said that the real Guan Yu had an aura that can intimidate enemies easily. In the novel (fiction), there was a scene where Guan Yu was circled by Sun Quan. After he was killed by overwhelming forces, he continued to stand tall without falling on the floor. No one from the Wu faction dared to get close to him for 4 hours in fear of being struck down by this proud warrior.
Gongsun Zun knew she lost. Owned.
Hmm… you are so good…
After Zhao Yun verified Guan Yu’s strength, they decided to hide in a wagon and be captured by the bandits in order to enter their lair. Of course, due to their huge boobs and asses, they were unable to bring any weapons in the small wooden container. No, I am not lying about this because this is what they exactly said for lacking in weapons. They only have a small dagger as a weapon, so you can clearly tell how much space their freaking boobs took.
Yes, it took that much space in the wagon.
Hahah, random woman A’s boob always has to be big. My god, this is really “the show of no between”
How dare you take my commoner harem member!
They infiltrated the camp and found that the bandit leader was about to sexually assault one of the villagers. Guan Yu, being the impulsive retard that did not remember that her weapon was not around as her boobs was so big, charged in to take her harem member.
Let’s grab these harem members and run! Wait, why are there little boys too?
Hint: It starts with T, and ends with P.
Look at how long this is!
Anyway, they found themselves at a dead cliff end. As usual, the deus ex machina plot comes in, as Zhang Fei somehow finds them, chops down a tree without any effort and makes a temporary bridge to them. Their commoner harem members were now slowly transported into the brothel of RoTK.
Yes, more screentime. Shower your attention to me please!
Let’s make some holes!
As expected, the two kicked ass and demolished the bandits. After that, Zhao Yun decided to leave with the two. She explained that Gongsun Zun had the heart but did not have the ability to unify China.
I am the General of Baima, feared by no one but dumb barbarians!
Gongsun Zan is one of the warlords in the northern part of China during the Three Kingdoms era, and he wa famous for his white horse cavalry. It is known to strike fear during one of his attempts to eradicate the barbarians at the near proximity of his stronghold. Actually, the white horse cavalry was not exactly famed, but it is because the barbarians have huge respect for white horses. They considered them to be sacred and refused to kill such pure beings.
I was really just tsundere for you, Guan Yu.