And this is supposed to be the gallant and proud warrior, Ma Chao. O…kay.
As expected, the attention loli whore Zhang Fei (or Rin rin for all you sick freaks who watch this for the loli fanservice) decided that it is way too much for the huge mammalian creatures to dominate the screen. It is a sad thing that they DO occupy too much space sometimes, which is why Zhang Fei decided to use power against power.
Today, our harem member to capture is Ma Chao from Liangzhou, the north-western part of China. Liangzhou (modern day Wuwei) was famous in the Three Kingdoms Era for their wild horses that gallops in the huge plains and the strong horsemen who were well trained to calm down these beasts. If you know your geography well, Liangzhou borders on Mongolia, a place with huge plains that requires horse-riding to get to anywhere.
Anyway, no one reading this cares about cool history. So let’s go and have some
hate love on Episode 3.
Hence, since I will be defeated by Cao Cao eventually, I might as well squeeze in some fanservice for anyone who cares. Hey, at least TRY TO LOOK. Damn you faggots who are only interested in “PROPER HEROES.”
Yuan Shao, the northern warlord who led the coalition to attack Dong Zhuo in 190 AD, is portrayed as a blonde (aka bimbo). I am not sure if the directors know what they are doing, but Yuan Shao was known as a pure-blooded noble that was proud of his lineage. I think anything goes, and yes he did not consider Cao Cao to be of noble blood. Anyway, for the story, Cao Cao demanded an audience for kicking some bandit butt with her hot lithe body (I am so brainwashed whenever I talk about Cao Cao), and told Yuan Shao to stop shoving her brain into the bath.
We are Wen Chou and Yan Liang, and we are so useless that we look totally generic. Oh, woe to side characters!
Sadly, Wen Chou and Yan Liang, who are rather famed generals, become flower vases in this show. I guess that there must be some random dumb subordinates to make Cao Cao look good. I mean, Cao Cao is the only female bastard offspring of this anime that I approve of.
In the historical text, Cao Cao was one of the minor warlords (he was not of noble birth, not as much as Yuan Shao anyway) that followed Yuan Shao in the inquisition of Dong Zhuo). Cao Cao, on the hand, scoffs at Yuan Shao as he felt that Yuan Shao did not know humility enough to understand the usage of men. Cao Cao believes that a man’s nurture and character is important, but talent is paramount to anything. A virtuous man is useless in a war without having any other talents.
Hah, wussies. There’s too many DFC and huge boobs in this series. The small breasted me wins!
Oh no! My small role in this anime is over! It’s a oxymoron joke, get it? Sigh, I just cannot get your attention!
Cao Cao simply MOCKED to the feeble comments (not to mention lame) of the obviously-made-to-be-not-important side characters in Koihime and left, adding that she will be clearing out more bandits for the fun of it.
That said, Cao Cao due to his lack of noble blood (not like Yuan Shao and Kong Rong who had the golden platter handed to them) was often involved in pursuing bandits during the Yellow Turban Revolution. That earned him the respect, and I guess Koihime was trying somehow to refer to that. Or perhaps, it’s merely to give Yuan Shao some purpose for non-important fanservice.
Oh, nice girls over there. I wonder if I can get them to MY brothel instead.
Cao Cao saw the girls and found Guan Yu interesting, when she passed by them on the streets. Oh, she also complimented on the beautiful dark hair of Guan Yu, aka Aisha as given by the lame creators of the game in order to make them cuter. Sigh.
On serious business, this is somewhat reflective of the admiration of Guan Yu in the historical and novel versions of the Three Kingdoms era. I am probably over-analyzing it too much, but since Koihime is meant to be taken as a total joke, I am fully allowed to over-interpret, over-analyze and over-scrutinize it like a douche bag.
Hey Zhao Yun, I know you refused to be a prostitute, but now we are leered at dirty otakus now!
As they need to pay for their uptake, they decided to go to a meido cafe. Nonetheless, what is wrong with the meido cafe when there is no one trying to pull the skirt, leer at the hot chicks at hand or try to at least molest them? This is a freaking brainless ecchi show, so try to fit the bill here!
Hey, I am useless and stupid and impulsive. Wanna join Group Loser?
Zhang Fei, due to her inability to do absolutely anything, went away and found Ma Chao who was here to participate in a fighting competition. Zhang Fei said that she would win it in order to get the cash, but Ma Chao added that she would win it.
As usual, some novel tidbits were strangely coincidental in this anime. Ma Chao’s first encounter with the Shu army is actually with Zhang Fei in the battle of Jiameng. The two men fought like tigers for long periods on two occasions with no signs of either one gaining an upper hand. Zhuge Liang then made a ploy to make Liu Zhang distrust Ma Chao, while an envoy was used to persuade him. In fear of his current fragile situation, Ma Chao defected to the Shu faction.
And I never expected to see a bigger loser right here. Big is nothing!
Wrong, little lady. BIG is everything. See me own this green haired gal (Impz: Noooooo!)
See, being big occupies more screen space and time. There is no place for you, little attention whore.
As expected, when the two girls joined the competition, they kicked every single one’s ass. I mean, this is a show with a deus ex machina plot that refuses to surprise you with great complexity. You should be happy when they try to make it feel like there is a plot somehow.
Oh yeah? I will show you that small is the new BIG!
So they are finally in the final and started to fight in order to get whatever reward that they are supposed to get.
Boring. Boring. Boring. Look at me and focus your attention only on me. (Impz: No joke, she said something like that as well in the anime during the scene here. It’s like she is even worse than the little slut known as Rin Rin)
Hah, that’s because ALL THE ATTENTION IS UPON ME. Bestow me the love, people!
How many times must I remind you? BIG IS ALWAYS BETTER.
You… you didn’t tell me we have an audience listening to what I am saying! Hazukashii~
Honestly, while they fought, Zhang Fei suddenly had a growl in her stomach. Zhao Yun also growled as it was clear both of them were quite hungry. Yuan Shao called this duel to be a draw and proclaimed them winners. While she tried valiantly to get some attention, the crowd simply disappeared. That will teach the side character a lesson in anime: When you are a side character in a harem show, NO ONE FRICKING CARES.
No, I cannot join your harem. I am a main character, you side character bitch.
Yuan Shao invited our heroes to her squad, shocking her close aides. They decided to device a plan to get rid of the two new ones. They wanted to plan a very hard mission for them, but Yuan Shao decided to have an internal competition to see who would be better fit as the aides beside her. Obviously, we know who would be the winner. If you still cannot tell, your intelligence level is lower than 34 points. Yes, lower than Wen Chou.
Oh, what huge bananas you have, Grandma.
They have some really stupid competitions. It’s divided into intelligence, looks and martial arts. I like the funny reference about Wen Chou having 34 intelligence points. If you do not catch that reference, I think it is likely to be a comment on his intelligence on the Koei strategy game, Romance of the Three Kingdoms. Ma Chao, Zhang Fei, Wen Chou, Yan Liang were very low intelligence warriors in that game.
The ugliest Megane Loli ever in an anime harem show. Where’s our Megane fetish girl?
I don’t know. I prefer the attention to me, *blush blush*
Wen Chou’s group won the intelligence part due to the fact that Zhang Fei and Ma Chao were so dumb. I mean it. Even Narutards might possess higher intelligence. Maybe.
Why? I saw Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha and it was a hot hit with the guys. These people have NO taste.
Honestly, I would choose this outfit to win immediately compared to that lame effort of the dumb team. Well, as expected, the deus ex machina plot rocks on to have a tie. Of course, if you notice clearly, the fanservice quota in this series is surprisingly low for a comedy ecchi show. That is not right, but do not fret. They are leaving the best (aka the most blatant fanservice) for the last.
We are naked now. Hear us roar with GREAT FANSERVICE!
Now, this is why Koihime goes from borderline funny to extreme ridiculous and capricious lameness. I mean, who in the right mind would make the martial arts competition a naked sumo wrestling contest with a swan float? You can either call it very dumb, or very stupid, or very retarded and …I run out of negative words to say. My IQ is not much higher than 34, after all.
We won with our bodies… not. I guess being generic means being naked will not get much attention.
Of course, the girls were too embarrassed to have that competition and left.
Hah, Guan Yu, see our newest harem member!
New Harem member, Ma Chao, reporting for duty. So, four out of five Tiger generals have already been captured. I guess we should have our MILF Huang Zhong soon as the next capture. Stay tuned up to then!