Good thing about bishoujos in an ecchi show: They can always have a loli past.
As Ma Chao realizes that she will be written off the script for a while, before they bring her back to the overall picture of sex, debauchery and utter lies of Koihime, she decided that it is time for another Ma Chao-centric episode, where they discuss about the murder of her father by Cao Cao.
Anyway, before I go on, let me just say that Koihime is hardly at the levels of the fanservice anime (what I call total piece of sexual fanservice crap) Kanokon, but it might just beat the shit out of it if it goes on this journey of sexual exploration of the same-gender. Honestly, why in the holy hell am I blogging this? This is Calawain’s territory out and out, but who cares. I want to talk about my ROTK, while spewing scorn over this series.
So, let’s go on with my partial rant cum (no, not trying to be funny) episodic summary of episode 4 – The Ma Chao vs Cao Cao episode.
Hey, you used too much strength last night! That’s why I am down here!
Ma Chao had a dream about her loli life when she remembers about a battle stance revealing the psyche of the warrior. When she woke up, she realized that Zhao Yun was sprawled on the floor due to her kicking in the bed. While Ma Chao apologized, Zhao Yun said she did something to her as revenge and said that the details were too lurid to be mentioned.
Oh my god. Ok. Let me try to re-affirm my thoughts. The director of this show probably felt that there was little sexual fanservice in the last two episodes during the start. I faithfully feel that the show has a quota on fanservice, and the technical executive was having a huge rage for the apparent lack of fleshy fanservice during the last two episodes. That’s why Zhao Yun had to be explictly lesbian and mention how “she did something to a virgin when she is dead asleep.” Marvelous, now let me clean my ear with antiseptic.
Hey, I didn’t ask you to try so hard when I am sleeping. You sex lesbian fiend!
I am? — Zhao Yun aka the lesbian character in a strictly homogender show.
Anyway, after that, they had some nonsensical talk about blah blah blah that I cannot care less because it has absolutely no relation to any visible plot of any kind. So yea, it is just trying to be cute for the sake of it. Guess what? It’s not cute for me.
Yes, I am so tsundere over this series. Sue me.
Are you thinking what I am thinking, Xun Yu?
I think I am, Cao Cao.
It’s ARMPIT LICKING TIME.
Reimu, anyone? Cao Cao returned back from a raid on the bandits and was victorious. Of course, they have no time to think of new strategies when Cao Cao is freaking raging with her hormones. As the advisers in the series are merely ornaments and an excuse to make lolis appear, Xun Yu is now a whore in the Wei brothel and using her tongue to lick Cao Cao dry. No, I am not trying to be kinky here, but Xun Yu is actually asked to lick the sweat off Cao Cao. That is so not trying to give blatant fanservice.
I am currently recoiling from complete shock and disgust over the degradation of perhaps one of the most scholarly and intelligent advisers in the Wei faction. Now, she is downgraded to merely one of the sexual harem toys of Cao Cao. Good job, fellows. With their writing of the story, due to Cao Cao’s admiration of Guan Yu, Guan Yu will have a sex-filled adventure when she eventually defects to Cao Cao (if they follow the history of Three Kingdoms Era). And for the love of ROTK, armpit licking? That’s pretty low, even for any ecchi show.
I want to join in too! Damn you, Xun Yu!
HAHA, you perverts who thought Xun Yu was doing something else… She’s just licking her toes… Oh wait, never mind.
Xiahou Dun came in and obviously did not like sharing Cao Cao to anyone, so she got just a tad jealous when she reported about the killing of the bandits. You know, I wonder if my eyepatch moe love for Chihiro will be destroyed by a future situation if they did follow the historical procedure. Those who know the ROTK will know what is coming very soon, but I will leave those who are not hanging because I will complain about it in due time.
Finally, it’s me again! Miss me? (Impz: Not really.)
The next day, Zhang Fei and Ma Chao decided to relax after carrying some goods as part of their job (they are strong and stupid after all). Ma Chao saw Cao Cao parading in the street, and in an outburst of sexuality and feminism, she decided that it is time for the reckoning.
I cannot tolerate someone stealing my limelight so easily, Cao Cao!
Let’s now try to describe the following summary part in the style of a romantic smut fanfic. Ma Chao declared that Cao Cao killed her father, and went on to attack the hot lithe body of Cao Cao with passion and desire. Xiahou Dun intervened, as she has to protect her master from the piercing pain of the spear. Zhang Fei, realizing that Ma Chao cannot assault and devour the beautiful and honorable Cao Cao, tried to stop her by holding her. Eventually, Ma Chao was captured by Cao Cao’s troops for *ahem* more punishment *ahem*.
I just realize that I am definitely out of a job if I try to be an erotic smut writer. Sigh.
This little brat tried to capture screen time against my Cao Cao. Teach her some freaking manners.
For those who do not know the history of Ma Teng, Ma Chao and Cao Cao, here is a tidbit of fact. Ma Teng and Han Sui were fighting with each other for territories, despite being cousins. Cao Cao, who at this point had decisively defeated Yuan Shao at the Battle of Guandu, brokered peace between Ma Teng and Han Sui, who then pledged allegiance to Cao Cao.
After this, Ma Teng was summoned to Ye with most of his family, where his military position was taken away. His eldest surviving son Ma Chao remained behind in Liangzhou with Han Sui. When Ma Chao and Han Sui defied Cao Cao and took up arms against him, Ma Teng, along with every member of his family that accompanied him, was executed. After that execution, Ma Chao continued to attempt an uprising against Cao Cao, but failed when Han Sui and him started to mistrust each other with Jia Xu’s plot.
Sigh, you will be sold because you are the weakest link. Never steal screentime unless allowed by the director, bitch.
The tribal council has chosen… You are next, Guan Yu.
Of course, Guan Yu cannot be voted out. She is in fact meeting up with Cao Cao to discuss the release of Ma Chao. Obviously, Cao Cao wanted to explain her Wei brothel, and a dark haired beauty will always have a nice place in her heart. Nonetheless, Cao Cao knew that it is quite hard to keep Guan Yu with her, and hence decided to have a night of passion. Yes, you want your Ma Chao, you better give me your virginity.
I feel so sorry, Guan Yu and Cao Cao, for even writing that. You must be trying so hard to bury yourself into the ground. That said, I am strangely excited for this. Am I turning into an ecchi loving fanboy? No, whoever dares to comment, “Join the Kanokon crowd” will turn into a trap. AN UGLY ONE. One that will have pock marks on their forehead and absolutely not moe. Die, punks.
I can finally see the dark hair under you…
My first time… will be tonight.
And I feel so fricking wrong saying that.
You are so smooth down there (and this is actual dialogue during this particular scene)
You are not allowed to have sex with Cao Cao. She’s mine!
Of course, as usual with any cockblocking show (as Hinano will attest to with her ZnT entries), an assassin appears just when Cao Cao is going to commence with hot yuri sex. I can almost hear the groans of fanboys all around the world who have not watched this scene. I assure you, I feel a complex feeling of relief and anticipation during the cockblocking.
I think Cao Cao is very hot. That’s why. Better if green-haired, but I don’t mind yellow.
I can understand why you gals want my attention so much. I just have such a hot nubile body.
I am so jealous of your hot lithe body, Cao Cao. You have dishonored me!
Cao Cao allowed freedom for Ma Chao, since Guan Yu saved her from the assassination. On the way to the caged Ma Chao, Xiahou Dun told Guan Yu the truth of Ma Teng’s death. Of course, this is Koihime and not a historical portrayal of ROTK. Hence, the story is twisted in which Ma Teng was not actually killed by Cao Cao, but he died during a drunk night where he fell off the horse. For a warrior of renown, dying due to falling off a horse is considered a huge dishonor and begged Cao Cao to hide the truth.
You know, this is actually a good change to the story that makes for some realism. In ancient times, it is in fact a dishonor to fall off a horse. As horses are important commodities (remember, there are no cars then), a general or warlord always uses a good horse for fighting and dueling. Without good horsemanship, a warrior is nothing. I am decently pleasant to hear of such a story, which makes Cao Cao a better
guy gal than what the normal ROTK will portray him of.
Of course, I am great. I am Cao Cao the great, even in female form. (Impz: Yes, madam!)
My sword is mightier than your … wait what?
So, Guan Yu told Ma Chao but she could not accept it. She called Xiahou Dun a liar, and Xiahou Dun was insulted due to the pride of a warrior. They then had a duel. However, it was clear from the calm stance of Dun that she was not lying, and Ma Chao realized it was the truth that Cao Cao tried to protect the honor of her father.
I actually like how they made the Wei faction much cooler than the portrayal of the Wei faction in the ROTK. It might be because of my inherent bias and admiration for a warrior like Cao Cao and Cao Pi, but they just seem more fitting.
No, don’t kick me out of the script. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Bye bye, loser.