Well I can dream can’t I?
So I just finished most of Hinano’s recently released Renai Blogger game. Not sure what percent completion I got given the achievements system is so utterly broken that it makes Superman 64 look like a master piece. Besides I got to the end which is good enough though some how I doubt I made it to all the secret endings that our favorite madam of madness must have buried in her game. In any case 100% completion is for wankers with too much time on their hands and South Koreans, the former I hate, and the latter I wish I were. First things first I am a gamer first and a fanboy second and hence this is supposed to be a game I will be reviewing it as such. So without further ado I grabbed my trusty Crusader Sword and went to town in typical cynical sarcastic Crusader fashion to troll this game in my typical tsun tsun manner to soon face plant in what I hope to be either Usagijen’s lips for another kissu, or CJ’s lap again. (Advance apologies to all those who I’m about to offend but the lack of violence made me angry, i.e. this one is not serious so sorry in advance)
Wow so Chase is into furries.
Why yes I have Yellow Fever…
Oh yes Usagijen is a dojikko!
The power of love is curious thing…
Let me be honest in that I am thoroughly pissed that out of the team only Impz and Calawain scored slots as NPCs leaving the rest of us to rot, so much for team work you bastards. So with that out of the way the first twat you meet is some obnoxious dork named Calawain who is blond haired and blue eyed… and keen on propagating the master race. I assumed that the only reason why the man put up with our typical loser protagonist is because no one would like to share a room with a scum bag I mean lawyer in training. So the story takes place in the shit hole that is New York City and as a sand box game this version of New York is limited to weeaboo stores, a campus for dorky man and women-children (NYU, thanks for rejecting my application you bastards), the filthy lairs of the characters, and the subway. Unlike say Liberty City for instance free roaming here is a joke you can’t go any where and you funneled down a path no matter how many times you want to go back to the library to read books, or stuff your face at a café. I couldn’t even get a hot dog and had to eat sushi and drink bubble tea.
Oh you think so eh?
Now where’s the Gundam?
Black Tea is fine.
Personally I would have preferred green hair…
Why does Na-chan look loli-er three years later, not that I am complaining of course. I like breaking the law…
The NPCs are a joke with that jerk Calawain throwing you under the trap and buggering off to OTL in the apartment while Impz starts hitting on you. Yamada sensei is a faceless dork who thinks he’s God by not showing his face and gives you the lamest quest in the history of gaming since the molest the monkeys side quest in Mass Effect. The love interests span the typical otaku fantasy of raging fangirl (Hinano), closet yaoi fan (CJ), the normal older woman (Usagijen), the trap (Impz), and the jail bait (Natsuko). Given how I have an axe to grind on Impz’s head I was able to narrow the field a bit. I wasn’t a pedo so Natsuko could go faffing about in day care or something. Having a Russian mother-in-law disturbs me so Hinano could go cosplay by herself, and I loathe yaoi so I left CJ out of the initial selection so that she could go emit hot lady spunk as she wrote her fan fiction. That left me with my one true love Usagijen because I have a thing for older women, ah yes older women are like well worn boots they may smell funny but they sure are comfortable. Oh wait…
Hello beautiful.
I demand bloomers!
Oh can I dress up as Fate?
Let’s do this for reals sometime…
I’ll be right here waiting for you.
I am being overly mean I did every path I could though Natsuko’s had the most pitfalls for being the most pedo relationship. So in any case Usagijen’s path was a short affair which basically set the tempo of one accidental date, one convention date, and kissu as the basic set up for every relationship. I won’t spoil the ending for you so go play it yourself you single twat. Suffice to say Natsuko’s route seems to be the key to getting to Impz and Hinano’s route. The story is decent enough if a bit quick though Chase seems to be emitting pheromones out the ass or every love interest is desperate for a dorky beau. Thankfully there was no Calawain ending. Nevertheless most of the love interests favor love attacks with exception to one so I can’t really blast Studio Hinano for that.
I felt like I was being bullied….
I suggest investing in a sewing machine, lass…
Not to scale…
Does he love me I want to know…
So after soothing the game about its fairly good story, numerous otaku tropes, and quick pacing, it’s time to once again stab this game thru for all the awful game design choices that were made. Other than the laughably bad NPC traitors Calawain and Impz who I hate with a burning passion for ditching the rest of the team, the terrible free roaming aspect, and the linear paths the game forces you to go down my list of complaints do not end there. Oh, no there’s more, combat is turned based and one click affairs that turn the game into a grindfest though thankfully there is a lack of side quests for one use items though there are many lame escort missions. The lack of gratuitous violence was also kind of unsettling, along with a tepid arsenal consisting of nothing, not even your fists so you can’t smack Impz whenever he gets annoying, or that otaku horde that blocks your way. Music was okay but the lack of the Men of Destiny as the OP and The Winner as the ED was a serious omission. Death penalties are harsh forcing you start over from the beginning though the inclusion of the skip button (or as I call it the FUCK YOU Button) is a nice addition in getting you back to the point where you die. The many instances of dark screens was puzzling, but since the player is encouraged to fill in the blanks I assumed that Chase was just fapping every time he turned out the lights.
Go ahead keep fapping to yourself boss…
Dang I was hoping that there would be an ImpzxCalawain end.
I assume that this was Chase’s fap time…
To wrap things up I like RenAi Blogger and give it score I calculated by starting with over 9000 multiplying how many times I liked Usagijen, Natsuko, Hinano, and CJ. Adding in how many times I was able to make out. Dividing by how many time I just loathed the two traitors Impz and Calawain. Subtracted how many uncomfortable times they tried to hit on me and got a level ranging from 1-10 about how much I recommend this game. Obviously I am not a math major so I gave it an 11. Well I enjoyed it and so might you. Oh and next time Hinano please include the whole team and not just those traitors who nibbled at your shins.
22 Comments
Y’know, now I need a drink especially after noticing the Nanoha uniform reminds me a lot, color-scheme wise, of the flight school’s in Macross Frontier, and she has Alto’s ponytail. Excuse me.
TRAITORS!!!
TRAITORS!!!
Such a pimp.
They are all TRAPS!!!!!
Jen isn’t a Trap :-0 At least, the real one…
Always bet on black tea.
ROFLLL Best review ever *laughing so hard she is crying* :’D
I swear Crusader has never been so tsundere until now. Hinano, care for a sequel where we have more characters and more crazy fun. FAN DISC WOO WOO WOO~
With that hairdo, Natsuko would have made the perfect Fate Testarossa ):
@Haesslich
Now that you mention it I need one too….
@Kabitzin
Indeed and no one likes a traitor.
@Extrange
Indeed Jen is all woman.
@LDC
I suspect that all of them were just desperate…
@jpmeyer
Indeed it’s top only tea worth putting pilk and tapioca in.
@Hinano
Thank you, but can the rest of the team get a cameo in RenAi 2?
@Impz
Oh you forgot an Impz end…
@Shin
I felt the same way there should have been a CJ and Natsuko twofer that way all three can go to the convention with Natsuko as Fate so the yuri can ensue!
Regarding violence, I thought I read somewhere that one “bad ending” is being beaten to death with a yaoi paddle. If that ain’t a horrifically violent ending, I don’t know what is.
damn you Impz!
now i am so confused…
No Impz path just because he’s a trap? ):
@Steven Den Beste
Not enough blood…
@EvilDevil
I share your sentiment.
@Marouku
No its was because he was a traitor…
@Marouku: Crusader is just jealous he has no chance to be a JIHADER in it. Hah, sour grapes.
roflmao, if Hinano makes an Otome Renai version next time, I’m sure Crusader will make it in XD
Man what was that
I helped Natsuko to carry her Bags to her home.
And than her Mom gone mad and I was something like Game Over XD
@Impz
Silence traitor we are not jealous we are filled with righteous fury over this treachery.
@usagijen
I doubt that Studio Hinano is keen on making an otome game and besides I don’t want to be part of rapist bad endings…
Thank you for wanting to play my fictional route, my good dojikko princess.
@Fabienne
Yeah meeting her parents is a big no no.
I failed to get the NICE BOAT bad end. Instead, my first one was the ‘UsagiJen stops talking to me’ end. Then I got the Impz end, and shuddered.
@Haesslich
Being weak at the knee when you see Impz isn’t necessarily shuddering…
Have you been paddled yet?
Yeah. That was Bad End #4.
5 Trackbacks
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