Just to make it more human-friendly, it’s time to throw in the chibi right at the start.
All right. Before anyone starts to criticize me as a wimp that has too little hate (compared to the amount of sarcasm for the previous three blog posts on Koihime), I must say that there is a proper reason why the hate is not strong in this one. There’s almost zero fanservice that always helps to push the grade book from a F- to a D+. Admittedly, that is still a big score, but still it’s an improvement. In addition, their ability to make me laugh uncontrollably over the appearance of a certain man above men is canny, and I cannot resist the nervous laughter over the appearance of the tyrant, Dong Zhuo.
Yes, it is that awesomely wrong that I cannot stop laughing at all. Here’s to Episode 5: The first episode without any blatant fanservice. Is this Koihime or the All-ages version of Ren Ai Koihime? For something completely out of point, Hinano is now officially banned from drawing any more Impz fan-art. The more she draws, the more it becomes more ecchi. Soon, she will make a whole set of HCGs of Impz. That, by the way, is fricking scary.
New loli spotted! A weak type even!
Do you want to make a guess who this is? Give yourself three chances before clicking on the spoiler below
Ok, the person who made Koihime definitely has a very acquired and wicked sense of humor.
Target found! This loli is good for me harem! WEAK-LOOKING LOLI GET!
You really just want to collect all fetishes into your sick harem. I guess we need a Megane soon.
Obviously, this loli of a tyrant somehow gets herself stuck with three fodder material with generic raging hormones. It’s a major disappointment that they did not even get to touch the rape victim because those freaking cockblockers who wants their all-female harem appears. You should know that these guys are obviously cannon folder when they do not even get to touch Dong Zhuo. Pitiful fools, next time, make sure you touch your victim before making a 1 minute speech about how you will be royally screwed.
We are fodder material because these women prefer donuts than sausages.
FU…
…MOFFU!
This is in fact a foreboding that whenever you ask for a new fetish, you get it. So, let’s wish for a silent-type bishoujo that is super strong. In addition, since most silent-type bishoujos are usually very flat, we make her slightly more endowed.
Of course, the group of officers in Luoyang are getting worried for their loli ruler. I mean since she always wants to run around to be raped by some nondescript soldiers, any bloody officer of this dumb ruler should be worried. Nonetheless Jia Xu is pretty cute with her spectacles and having green hair already makes her great. Yes, this is a fact that all you people should learn, that green-haired anime gals are technically superior. Even if they are whiny, worry warts and bloody bimbotic.
Anyway, Jia Xu was one of the advisors that managed to land a major defeat on Cao Cao during his conquests. Advising Zhang Xiu, Jia Xu was able to make a strategy that totally decimated Cao Cao’s forces in the Battle of Wancheng. It was in fact a very lucky escape for Cao Cao where Cao Ang and Dian Wei, both of which were trusted officers, were killed in one of the most humiliating defeats in his life.
Well, have we seen this before…
So, the loli also known as Dong Zhuo, finally found her way to a town with the help of our three bishoujos who are hell intent on getting a new harem member. They found out that there is in fact a beast that is extremely strong and demanded food for the past few months. Many heroes have tried to fight this beast, but flee in fear.
Of course, since Guan Yu and Zhang Fei are now supposedly female, their female hormones are telling them that it’s typical to scream in fear whenever any slight mention of horror is mentioned. Zhao Yun is the only one with the balls (BEAT ME ON THAT PUN) to agree to the fight.
This is in fact a very interesting way to portray the first meeting of the man among men. For those who have no clue about history, please wait for a bit before I explain it to you.
Good, now that you agree to my charms, JOIN my harem instead. We even have a MEGANE adviser.
So, is this where we will get our next harem member?
So, they decided to go to some random dark forest. I mean, it’s obviously either going to a haunted house (modern horror), a dilapidated temple or a dark forest. There’s really little choice when it comes to anime horror, or at least the lame type.
Higurashi, anyone?
Zhao Yun decided that saying a ghost story is perhaps the best way to relieve some boredom. Of course, since Zhao Yun wanted to have some smexy female skin, the best way to do it is to make those two gals faint before she can have her fun. Sadly, when they eventually fainted, Zhao Yun can scent that the women among women has appeared. SHE has appeared.
Among Horses, the Red Hare. Among Women, there is Lu Bu. Find the wrong word here.
The two weak-willed weenies fainted after seeing the “beast”.
Hands up for those who wants to be the pole now.
If you do not know who Lu Bu is, Lu Bu is considered to be the strongest warrior during the Three Kingdoms Era. He is matchless in battle, and a ROTK incident involved him and a battle with Zhang Fei, Guan Yu and Liu Bei. He was able to evenly match these three warriors that fought him at the same time, hence showing his martial prowess. He also received a horse during the time he killed his foster father (Ding Yuan), named the “Red Hare”. It was a beautiful red-haired mare that was faster than any horse ever seen, wild, untamed and powerful.
HEADS up for those who wants to be THE POLE now.
You coming to lose again, LOL?
Obviously, with only Zhao Yun, Lu Bu easily defeated her with a few slick moves. The next day, the party returned as Zhao Yun convinced the two imbeciles that it is a human. However, Zhao Yun did say that the human is perhaps stronger than a beast.
Hello? This is Lu Bu. He can rival anyone… I mean she.
Ok, I will give you a red dog. In exchange, be mine.
You make a convincing trade. I am bought.
The three Shu generals decide to fight this silent bishoujo type Lu Bu, before the fight is stopped when Dong Zhuo tried to save one of the dogs. After bribing Lu Bu with a red dog keychain (SYMBOLISM FOR RED HARE FTW), they got her to reveal the truth that the offerings were for the abandoned dogs that she was taking care of. Due to her klutzy behavior, she was unable to earn her keep.
PLEASE, CAN WE KEEP HER? I need a silent type bishoujo!
But… But… Zhao Yun gave a better offer and we cannot outbid her!
So, as expected, they have a happy ending blah blah blah. I honestly cannot be bothered with how they conclude things in this show because it is practically nonsense.
I like Megane girls. Even better if they are green haired. I accept your bid.
Hot yuri end for the win. Not.
14 Comments
DAMN there goes my hadaka apron impz idea! LOL xD
Also you are going to get angry fanboys for that statement! xD
You need more trap art after reviewing stuff like this. I say to let Hinano continue, it’ll serve as a lesson to those who serve as traps.
hinano: do it. Do not let Impz escape. Burn the minds of those who ask for Genderswaps and traps.
Yuri love is hawt. Heads up.
blah
Don’t be ashamed. Just relax and give in to your instinct to love this show. If this stays as hilarious as it has been so far, it will be a classic of Sanguo literature. Or at least unforgettable, for better or worse.
Ah, my favourite fetish. The Meganekko fetish.
*coughs* Well at least it’s turning out WAY better than the source material it was based on, which I’ve come to see as wish fulfillment in extremis. Behold the stuff I’ve managed to cap so far:
http://myssa.teri-chan.net/Images/Koihime/ECG_COM02A.jpg
It’s funny how Lu Bei isn’t even actually ‘Lu Bei’ in a historical sense, but a time-slipped self-insert. No wonder it was so easy to leave the guy out.
http://myssa.teri-chan.net/Images/Koihime/ECG_ENS15A.jpg
The game is apparently divided into two parts, but so far I couldn’t be bothered to finishing part 1, since, y’know, I also play Guild Wars and Hellgate London.
http://myssa.teri-chan.net/Images/Koihime/ECG_KAN10A.jpg
Again, the anime is doing a FAR better job than what should have been expected, compared to the ‘plot’ we have in the (original) Koihime Musou game.
http://myssa.teri-chan.net/Images/Koihime/ECG_TOT01A.jpg
Yes, Dong Zhuo’s ‘default’ dress in the game is… Meido-fuku. I KID you not.
http://myssa.teri-chan.net/Images/Koihime/ECG_RYO11A.jpg
Funny how, as far as I’ve seen, there is NO true harem ending to the game (and I expect as much from the semi-adaptation). There ARE threesies and twosomes though (GUESS which faction gets the most).
http://myssa.teri-chan.net/Images/Koihime/ECG_COM99A.jpg
The last post above was copied from another site, since I haven’t even finished the game yet, but as you can see, the major copout of the game is the fact that… It’s ALL a dream. The student masquerading as Lu Bei seems to have confused the schoolmates he had with the history books he was STUDYING. Wet dream much?
So, for all it’s faults, Impz, the anime is WAY better than the game. Oh ho ho.
One question I have for this show is whether there will be an actual plot or not. Eventually. So far this has been episodic wandering around into different factions, meeting different characters, which I suppose is ok for a show like this.
And I personally see Zhao Yun as a warrior strong enough to at be a formidable match against Lu Bu, at least the way he was portrayed in the novel. The same goes with Zhang Fei and Guan Yu. The popular Koei strategy game (which unlike dynasty warriors, places emphasis on political affairs, administration and tactics) also rates them pretty highly, giving 98, 99 and 99 to their combat points respectively, while giving Lu Bu the only warrior to have 100 combat points.
Have to admit, Lu Bu was kinda cute in this episode.
@gaguri: Zhao Yun was portrayed as a strong warrior, but not as strong as how Lu Bu was portrayed :S. Undoubtedly a better general and leader though.
This was a perfect chance to introduce Zhang Liao, what happened? Is Zhang Liao not going to be in the anime? if so i am very dissapointed
.
On another ROTK related topic, The battle of Red Cliffs movie was awesome. Anyone who is a fan should watch it.
No one is strong as Lu Bu but I think Zhao Yun would put up a long good fight before going down, because that’s what Zhang Fei did before his brothers arrived and forced Lu Bu to retreat. From several responses, particularly from those that played Dyansty Warriors, I think lot of people view Lu Bu as a god that can toy around with the likes of Zhang Fei and Zhao Yun (which is the direction KoiHime went for Lu Bu) and to me that’s not quite true, at least from my readings of the novel.
As for Red Cliffs, I am not sure if it will ever make its way to Australian big screens Q__Q
Yeah i don’t think it would EVER make its way to Australian big screens
(I r Australian too XD) But there are ways of obtaining the movie, should try one of the chinese video stores
Work has been a total pain in the ass. I cannot believe that I didn’t check the blog for 1 week already. 11 hours per working day can kill anyone @_@
@Hashihime: It’s really crazy to even relate this unrecognizable piece of B grade series as a classic of ROTK. Any Rotk fan will probably bury themselves into a grave if this becomes anything close to a classic. Sure, it is funny at times (it doesn’t turn me into a laughing clown at all unlike other comedy series). I just cannot embrace or accept it, and I seriously think anyone who considers himself to like ROTK will find it hard to praise it. Zhao Yun being a fricking lesbian that sexually harrasses others? I rest my case.
@C.I: I prefer green hair anytime.
@Gaguri: Let me use an analogy. If you use trash as a source material and try to improve on it, you might do better but it is still trash. It is funny sparingly, no doubt, but most of these gags seemed to be on borderline slapstick comedy or sexual fanservice. It gets really lame and tiring for a while. Eventually, it will just degenerate into complete chaos and lameness.
I personally do not think that Zhao Yun will be able to rival Lu Bu. He is considered to be a valiant warrior, but there has been little history to indicate his comparative abilities with other great warriors. Nonetheless, the ROTK mentions how he went into the enemy camp alone to save Ah Dou, and that is perhaps the legend of Zhao Yun.
I must admit that Zhao Yun, despite all his prowess, has never been a key component or trusted general of Liu Bei. Sure, in the fictional story of ROTK, he is one of the five trusted Tiger generals. Nonetheless, he never had the position of Guan Yu and Zhang Fei or even Huang Zhong to Liu Bei.
By the way, why wouldn’t Red Cliff come to Australian shores? I think if it does gain a bit of international coverage, it might. If not, it does take some time to hit English international shores. They wouldn’t know whether white people (yes, stereotypical) are interested in an era that they probably know little about.
@Ex: Ya, Lu Bu is really cute and the good thing is that they did not forget to make her pretty darn awesome in martial arts. The red dog keychain was a good parody of Red Hare, and I was half expecting her to call out a horse or something.
The nice comic series of pictures and interesting words. I have bookmarked the site but Hinano is officially banned.
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