This entry will be more solemn than usual, as the episode has hit me quite hard emotionally. I still remember this particular chapter in the series because it is one of those scenes that make me love Kyoko so much. Hence, it will not do this episode any justice if I make a joking entry. Please tolerate me for this episode at least.
Last episode ended with Kyoko holding a knife with a radish on her other hand. What is this special act going to be? For those who do not watch Skip Beat, I implore you to at least read the thoughts. There is something special I like to share to all.
Everyone was thinking that Kyoko would be acting as a vegetable seller. Sawara feared the worst for her. However, her special act is in fact carving a rose out of that radish. That special artistic skill impressed everyone in the panel, and Sawara gave her a thumbs up. Kyoko passed the first round easily. During the intermission to the next test, Moko taunted Kyoko and added that Kyoko would simply be a stepping stone to her great success. That infuriated Kyoko a lot and she was cursing Moko with the most vile threats in her mind.
The next test turned out to be an acting segment on the spot. It involved reacting to the message that was spoken through a mobile phone. When it came to Moko, she was able to cry almost instantly before mouthing out “yes, we will get back together.” Moko has given Kyoko a tough precedent. Kyoko listened to the message and it reminded her of how Dicktaro had abused her.
The message was initially about a man who was a womanizer, but decided that the actress was the best for him. Hence, he wanted a reunion. Initially, Kyoko started to gather a great killing intent before breaking into a warm smile. Just when Sawara thought she succeeded, she suddenly turned dark again as she smashed the mobile phone while screaming “saying sorry does not mean you will not go to hell!”
At the end of the test, Kyoko realized she failed, and the successful Moko happily mocked her. In addition, she smiled sarcastically and politely bid farewell (implying she will not see Kyoko again). Kyoko sent her evil spirits to stalk Sawara. Sawara explained to her that she lacked the most important thing for an actress: knowing how to love others. Kyoko realized that she had no ability to love anyone due to the trauma caused by her mother and Dicktaro. Kyoko mouthed out that she understood, and Sawara was surprised she did not continue to pester her. Kyoko simply wondered why actors can love mere strangers and started to waver. With that, she left quietly.
Back at home, she locked herself in the room. She realized that even her attempt to take revenge is merely revolving around Dicktaro made her realize she was really useless. Due to Dicktaro, she lost the ability to love others. With that, she started to cry uncontrollably. It had been a very long while since she cried herself to sleep.
The next day, Kyoko woke up with Corn’s stone, a stone that she used to stifle her sadness. Kyoko told the restaurant owner that she would be looking for a job. The owner’s wife asked about her acting aspirations, and Kyoko said she was not suited. The owner said that he was surprised how fast she gave up, and he loaned the knife to someone who was desperate to succeed. Back in LME, the president was clearly interested in Kyoko, but was puzzled about her inability to love. The president received a phone call from Sawara, and it turned out that he would give her another chance if Kyoko returned to them. Sawara said that she would definitely return to LME.
I am always on the verge of tears for this episode. It is really painful to see Kyoko so depressed, so helpless and so discouraged. There are actually three scenes in the whole manga series that almost brought me to tears despite reading it countless times already. This is one. It’s heart-wrenching for her to realize that her life was one that cannot even understand the notion of love anymore. I cannot imagine how painful that is, because it reflected a point of time in my love where I somewhat feel that way. It’s definitely not as strong as how she felt, but it hurts.
It hurts so much.
It hurts so much that it is a sharp knife.
To vision that, imagine something Like a sharp knife drawing and carving through an open wound. It really hurts. That said, Kyoko is really strong. Most people would have wallowed in self-pity and any typical shoujo heroine would probably be crying every single day for someone to save them. Those are typical shoujo heroines. However, Kyoko is made up of sterner stuff. Despite that setback, it is pretty clear that she will move on quickly and go back to being the awesome lady that she is.
That is the charm for the series. If it is trying to teach anyone something, it is the clear life story that “nothing ever takes you down. Only you can take yourself down.” Most of the time, we give up on things not because it is completely impossible to do it. It is the fact that we already think that it seems impossible to get it. We always convince ourselves that it is the right choice to make. Is it really true? When people tell you it is impossible, do you give up? Will you comfort yourself and say that it’s better to do something else?
There is a key difference here that is important to decipher. Many of us always think the impossible is impossible because it is. Nothing is really impossible. In fact, how can aiming for a goal be impossible? The purpose of a goal is to strengthen you. As old cliches go, it is merely the journey that trains you up, not the destination or the end product.
That is where Kyoko and her story of Skip Beat is so compelling. She knows that her road to success is going to be an impossible task, but she is merely caring about every single little step to that road. It is not the end, but the sum of the parts that matter so much to her. This story is about self-actualization of your hidden dreams that you have kept in a dark corner of your heart. That is why Skip Beat is so different compared to the dozens of typical shoujo series.
Sorry about the total digression. Of course, I could have done a simple impressions section about “how Kyoko-sama is so adorable in her delusions”, “how Moko is so evil to her”, “how exaggerating her acting is” and “how she realizes her void of love.” However, I feel that it is important to discuss something much closer to my heart, so forgive my indulgence.
Do you think that Skip Beat is a shoujo romance series? It’s much more, and I want to hear what you feel about it.