Optimus Prime and his Autobots ist mein Kameraden.
To start off this post is simply meant to address poor tj_han’s NERDRAEG over Transformers Revenge of the Fallen, hopefully before he pulls out all of his hair as Michael Bay suckers more people (he even got jpmeyer) into watching this film one of them presumably being tj_han unless he got in for free. First thing one needs to know is that Michael Bay is no artist he is anything but subtle (among other things), but the thing he does have is a big budget and Transformers is to be honest true to the spirit of the entire franchise and by that I mean toy whoring and making money, hopefully by now tj_han will realize Hollywood has no taste and that their only real saving grace is having a bigger pot of money than everyone else, otherwise Bollywood would have destroyed them long ago. Also hopefully by now he can stop flaming people for being what he considers ignorant sheep, which I value for tax paying purposes and one ought to sheer their sheep not burn them alive. I see Michael Bay’s Transformers trilogy (Bayformers if you prefer) as one long commercial that I for one just want to see how far they will go in pimping products and how much Uncle Sam is willing to show off taxpayer money that has been spent on weapons that bring joyous oblivion to the enemies of freedom. The Mountain Dew Transformer (Dispensor) shooting out cans of soda should have made it plain what Michael Bay is out to do. So without further ado I dedicate this post to poor Singaporean Conscript tj_han to enlighten him about one of his major gripes, the one pertaining to Uncle Sam and other things.
Best Recruiting Film EVAR
He will have my vote in 2012. Optimus Prime loves America more than anyone I know and he’s an alien!
I’ll cut tj_han some slack because he is a poor oppressed conscript drafted unwillingly into Singapore’s army at a young age as photographer or what I call a cushy public affairs job, not that I blame him for being cunning and crafty the lucky git. Believe it or not Uncle Sam isn’t liked much by the majority of his ungrateful nephews and nieces many of whom have become chickenhawks or hippies and when one of them is willing to talk to the old coot is overjoyed at a chance to show off his prized collection of weapons like an otaku would show off his limited edition stuff and his ero-game collection. Transformers 1 was a chance to pimp the F-22 and V-22 which had incredibly controversial development cycles, now that that budget war is over it was high time to get more volunteers hence it has always been a recruitment film otherwise why waste the jet fuel and ordinance? Unlike a conscript army where unemployed high school graduates can be dragged out and forced to work; Uncle Sam has a heart of gold while your ODEX overlords do not. Thus Uncle Sam needs volunteers and what better way get as many as he can than by telling his nephews and nieces that they might actually get a chance to fight alongside Optimus Prime and get Arcee to give them a ride. Also the railgun thing was probably a joke too since if tj_han knew then he would have realized just how much effort the US Navy has put into to pursue holy grail that is the railgun. Also carriers need lots of people to crew it and there is never enough crew so it was time to pimp them too especially after the Mission Accomplished debacle… Also if tj_han really does hate Uncle Sam he is racist because Obama is President now, and how typically Asian is that for him to be afraid of the negroes…tsk tsk comrade let’s try not to live up to Asian stereotypes and practice Kung Fu instead. Also it would mean that I will have to give tj_han a Glasgow Smile (WHY SO SERIOUS?) so we can all be friends again because Impz would be sad if we could not get along and because his trappiness thinks tj_han should smile more. Also it’s not Uncle Sam’s fault that Optimus Prime would rather fight alongside Americans, Brits, and Jordanians than him (honest it’s because he doesn’t blog about Shin Mazinger Z).
In regards to Megan Fox
Starscream had issues with working with Megan Fox…until he tried her toast.
I do believe that beauty has always been in the eye of the beholder, I could not possibly care less if there are men who find her hawt. It’s like how Yui beat out Ui in popularity love blind and seemingly retarded as well. Besides she is a law abiding citizen of these United States. Also it seems excessively mean to call her ugly and fake as she has been punished enough by having to make out on camera with Shia LaBeouf.
The source of all his troubles…
He gave Shia LaBeouf an acting career in exchange for for his dignity…
It’s actually the Devil. It is no secret that Shia LaBeouf has signed a deal with the Devil as nothing else can explain the ease in which he gets jobs as an actor and hos is movies don’t always bomb. It’s like Indiana Jones 4 his movies just kinda just turn to shit that some how makes money. Against the Devil there can be no victory because the Devil was created through the collective fapping and lustful thoughts of all otaku. It’s time to learn to live with it and stop demanding a refund from Michael Bay and start doing figure reviews again. If a 21% on Rotten Tomatoes could not stop people from seeing it one can only resign themselves to the inevitable conclusion that suckers are born every minute and the rantings and ravings of one enlightened genius is all but stifled in the face of people with no taste. If you want to get back you money I suggest you start selling bootlegs of Michael Bay’s films, the problem is actually finding a buyer. What can I say comrades? Shit happens, Michael Bay got to do Transformers (if only that online petition had succeeded) and George Lucas got to do Episodes I-III and Indiana Jones 4. Now let us pray to Haruhi-sama for deliverance and another light novel.
Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go help the Autobots hunt Decepticons and have tea with my personal hero Soundwave. Lastly it was also part of President Obama’s plan to bail out GM, thank you all who saw the film so that we may keep making oversized gas guzzling turcks and SUVs.
I hope he can play my Betamax tapes too…
Yeah I still can’t believe Michael Bay is spearheading the franchise now…
They are still out there…
16 Comments
Wow, this is the most times I’ve seen my nick appear in a blogpost ever. I’m done with the Singapore army though, most people get stuck with having to do reservist, but since I’m not needed, I’ve officially been discharged two years ago.
uncle sam times seven
I just watched the new movie yesterday with some friends. I took it for what it was, a sellout popcorn flick. I was able to get some enjoyment out of it, mostly cause I didn’t have to pay for my own ticket, but if I were to try and tell someone with a straight face that is was a good movie…well if I managed to actually pull that off, my face would probably be stuck like that for the rest of my life or just break.
I got to find me someone to watch this with now that my pregnant wife doesn’t want to watch movies… urgh. I almost don’t want to watch this because I’ll end up buying more Starscream toys. Uh yeah, I got like 13. FML
@Crusader
The GMC logo was everywhere, huh. I really like how you brought the Devil into this. In fact, here where I live Shia is considered a total hottie by the ladies, especially after Eagle Eye. Don’t shoot the messenger, I’m only reporting the facts.
@ghostlightning
I was just speculating to IKnight today about how you probably hadn’t seen this yet, otherwise you’d have commented on my spoilerous Transformers II + Tolkien post.
I actually liked the movie a lot, and it totally made want to buy Transformers goods aplenty. Maybe I’m brain dead…
What do you mean whith “Optimus Prime and his Autobots ist mein Kameraden.” ?
Or do you mean “ist mein Kamerad?” or “sind meine Kameraden” ?
It does not make sense in German
Well, I don´t think I will watch this movie after all…the first one wasn´t even that good :/
I don’t know what the hell everyone keeps talking about but neither JP nor I have seen or have intentions of seeing a movie about whores who shove their asses into the camera and spooging robots thank you.
@tj han
I was just following your rule #5
http://www.riuva.com/?p=1440
@random passing dude
He’s my favorite Uncle.
@Okugi
It had its moments if you went in with a compatible mindset.
@ghostlightning
So Starscream only or did you also pick up the others too?
@animekritik
Certainly there is some evil at work here…there is no other way to explain it.
@Sirenja
I typed it fast and late sorry for the piss poor grammar.
@Hinano
Sorry I assumed jpmeyer actually saw it since his comments indicated that he probably had seen it since he named some of the more memorable moments. Again sorry.
Movie was awesome. Sure , it had nothing to do with the original series (or any series for that fact) but let’s be honest: when was the last time a movie did justice to the original ?
*reads post, slams head on table…*
*reads post again, slams head again…*
Seams the portuguese people are the only ones in love whit the film, my husband is already jumping around to go watch them… Maybe being on the far side of europe, almost alones, makes us like small and trivial stuff so much, that we can even enjoy transformers I and II, whith out the capitalist spoiler around or head all the time. Haven’t seen yet, no money for the ticket this month, but next i’m going to try watch it.
Always been a fan of the franchise. Thought the first movie wasn’t THAT bad. Avoided all spoilers, and went for the movie.
I was able to suspend my disbelieve until Devastator’s balls came swinging into view…
To correct your German, it would be:
Optimus Prime und seine Autobots sind meine Kameraden!
But, it that might not be so easy to read for English speakers (-.-);;
I think I mostly enjoy the Transformer films for the wow factor that comes with seeing some of my favorite characters come to life.
Seeing Optimus Prime whup butt is pretty damn sweet. But yeah anyone expecting the wit and complexity of something like Pride and Prejudice should probably just stay home with the netflix.
You are NOT going to get very much thought provoking material out of Michael Bay, particularly not a Michael Bay movie based on kids toys from the 80′s.
This movie does well at what it aims to do, make the military look like they are the shit and pimp toys for the kiddies. If the two dumbass twins didn’t hammer that point home to anyone then they are too stupid for this movie even.
I for one just sat back and enjoyed all the mindless destruction.
The real question here, is if we can make the Transformers themselves look so freaking awesome in a live action movie. WHERE THE EFFING HELL IS MY LIVE ACTION GUNDAM MOVIE? Or better still MACROSS! <– keeps meaning to write a post on this but is too effing lazy.
Actually I’d rather go with Gundam because we’d stand a better chance of seeing that over here, otherwise I’d just have to cry at knowing there was a live action Macross but the likelyhood of it ever coming over here is about as likely as my imouto giving up her man on man porn.
Trust me, THAT particular scenario is never happening, she’s like a yaoi junkie.
I guess I’ll have to console myself with watching the dub of Gundam 00 S2 and crying about Lyle’s lack of balls, you’ll notice I don’t say brain, because well he keeps what braincell he does have in his pants, so really it amounts to the same thing.
I wont lie, i loved the first one.. that A-10/AC130 scene? *peter griffin impression* COMOOOOOOOOOON!
so what? it was a good entertaining movie- and movie’s are suppose to be like that. there are much worse movies out there with no entertainemnt, boring, dull etc. this was fun to watch with dumb jokes and lots of robot actions. and that’s all that matters. so it doesn’t need to be analyzed unless you are hardcore fan of the transformers animation itself.