Uraboku 14 — Have Some Subtext, Won’t You? A Parody in Two Parts

Presenting, for your enjoyment and consideration, a Chronolynx production: Uraboku 14—Between the Lines.

Starring the cast of Uraboku as: themselves.

In which the subtext becomes text, and the author vents his frustrations.

Reiga: Why? Why would Yuki reject my advances so? When I ask for his body, he cries as if I’ve betrayed him. All I wanted was sex.

Reiga (waxing erotic): O how I long to touch his feminine skin, to feel his tight embrace. To stay within him even unto the morning.

Reiga: But he would rather have that whore Luka. The whore. They’re whores, all of them. Whores whores whores.

Reiga: Tainted by their sluttiness, he had no choice but to reject my chaste (heh heh) love.

Reiga: Now, I must do something dramatic.

Reiga: And a pose too cool for words, with a choice, emo quote.

Reiga: This impossible dream can only disappear into oblivion. (See? I’m a conflicted villain. I have dimension!)

Reiga: God but I’m awesome. Now a fade to black and a scene change. Yeah, baby.

Yuki: Kanata-san? Is this a dream?

Kanata: Sure, let’s go with that. Just pretend all this is a dream.

Yuki: But I get this feeling you were just propositioning me. . .

Kanata: Is that a yes?

Yuki: What?

Kanata: Nevermind, let’s just get to that orphanage thingie.

Yuki: . . . So once these are far enough in, you start pulling them out one bead at a time.

Kanata: Would you like to demonstrate, Yuki?

Yuki: What?

Kanata: Nothing. (To self.) I can just wait till we get back home.

Yuki: This drink tastes weird.

Kanata: It’s nothing. Drink up.

Yuki: And I’m starting to feel weird, too.

Kanata: That just means it’s working–I mean, it’s probably nothing.

Kanata: But if you’re really not feeling well, just lay down a while and I’ll make you feel good.

Yuki: I can’t feel my legs.

Kanata: Don’t worry, you can trust me. Now let me just spread these a bit wider for you.

Yuki: Why do I feel all wet down there? Is that you, Kanata-san? What are you doing?

Luka: Dream on, bitch. Ain’t no one gonna have Yuki but me.

Yuki: Ah, Kanata-san, where are you putting those beads? Don’t touch me there or I’ll. . .

Yuki: If this dream can never be reality, may I never wake. (But seriously what are you doing Kanata-san?)

[Insert emo-gothic music and images here.]

Luka: Why’s he crying? Bitch best not be hurtin my Yuki.

Sodom: *cute noises*

Luka: I agree. Now taste his tears, my pet.

Luka: And? How do they taste?

Sodom: *cute noises*

Luka: What’s going on? Why are you. . .

Mr Fluffy becomes. . .

Cat-boy, the wonder-shota.

Luka: Okay, seriously. What just happened? When did you become shota bait? We’re not even gonna try to explain this?

Sodom: I love Yuki! I love Yuki!

Luka: That’s my line.

Luka: Why does he wake up when you lick and cuddle him?

Sodom: I love Yuki!

Yuki: Oh, Sodom? What the hell happened to you?

Luka: He drank your tears, or something. I’ve got nothing.

Yuki: Well, it’s not like we’re in the habit of explaining things on this show or anything. By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask you. . .

Luka: Why yes, I would love to fu–

Yuki: Why in God’s name did you name him Sodom?

Luka: Oh, that. Well you see, when two men love each other this much. . . I mean to say, well, why else would I name him that? (He keeps me company when I’m lonely.) *hint hint, nudge nudge*

Yuki: Haven’t you at least heard of subtlety?

Luka: I mean as in I have sex with him.

Yuki: You know, I think we’re done here.

Luka: Because you keep turning me down. . . But you’re still mine.

Yuki: Yeah, goodbye there, stalker-boy.

[Yuki greets everyone who previously had worried over his anal cherry. They are assured of his continued chastity. Nothing of note happens. Yuki becomes obsessed with cleaning after his traumatic dream.]

HOTsuma: So that Ashley chick said you wanted her to anally violate you. Is that true, Shusei?

Shusei: . . .

HOTsuma: And what the hell was with that pose when we found you? You know the one.

[insert gratuitous flashback]

Shusei: So I have a fetish. It’s not like you’re any better, Mr Whip-it.

HOTsuma: You promised not to bring that up!

Shusei: Did I?

HOTsuma: Yes you did now take it back or–

Shusei: You’ll what? Have your way with me? But I didn’t bring my whips. . .

HOTsuma: Argh. My face is so close to yours it’s like we’re about to kiss. . .

Shusei: But this show is hardly groundbreaking enough to show something so racy as that, so we’ll just keep our faces awkwardly close while we finish arguing.

HOTsuma: That makes me so angry I’ll. . . I’ll. . .

HOTsuma: Oops, my finger slipped.

Shusei: Oh, you have done it now, you pervert. You’ll be sewing those back on tonight, you know. (Among other things.)

HOTsuma: You know, it almost looks like I’m raping you or something.

Shusei: That’s what I was just implying, you dolt. Besides, I know it’s Yuki’s ass you want. (Also, THESE WOUNDS, THEY WILL NOT HEAL!)

HOTsuma: Do not.

Shusei: Oh, my poor Hotsuma. Everyone wants Yuki’s ass. Even Toko.

HOTsuma: But I want your ass.

[cue sexy-time]

Yuki: I’m going to just stare wistfully into the distance while I angst pointlessly.

Yuki: Actually, wasn’t Sodom here earlier? Well, it’s not like he says anything important.

Yuki: Why does everyone want my ass? (Even in my dreams. . .)

Yuki: And what is that noise coming from that window over there?

[to be concluded. . .]