So with the year 2010 coming to a close it was a glorious event when Unicorn 02 was released so that UC Gundam would throw its hat into the ring. While my comrade Diamond 2, aka ExecutiveOtaku, says that the repetition has made Gundam stale he is…correct but only about the Zekes who are full of lose and fail anyways. Otherwise there was much to enjoy even when Kamille tried to possess Banagher Links to annoy us once again, but this time teenage emo gets shut down and curb stomped for good measure. UC Gundam has always been about the Zekes hating on freedom and democracy, and to that end they are the quintessential broken record. There is much to be happy about though as the Banagher Links gets sidelined by the very awesome presence of Audrey Burne, Riddhe, and Commander Mackle. As for Full Frontal he just mailed in his Char impression so that he could have some off screen fun with his new boy toy and Dilandu clone, for in the blackest pit of Palau do the cries of “JAJUKA!” echo. But let us not speak only of Char’s latest transgressions and acts of butt-piracy, for the preaching during fights has gone away and shouts about righteousness have been replaced by “AUDREY!”
First off to all who tried to White Knight for Marida, I accept your fake tears of lose and fail on behalf of St. Noe. Not only was Ms. Funnel Spam thoroughly raped (wouldn’t be the first time MWUAHAHAHAHA) and pwned by Banagher Links her use of funnels quickly devolved as she COWERED AND WAS AFRAID. Too bad SHE DID NOT DIE TO SOMEONE WHO JUST LEARNED HOW TO PILOT A MOBILE SUIT. So like I was saying before when villainous Zekes were writing off the poor Stark Jegan Pilot, Marida is NO ACE BITCH NO ACE! The lowly scoundrel even had the nerve to try and claim Full Frontal’s victory by showing up at the last minute, hell she would even kill steal if taking out Unicorn was an option. Even if there are no small numbers of White Knights for Marida who carry the blasphemous banners of ZZ and loli-bath time think we can all agree that the lack of yelling about justice was a most welcome occurrence. It was just a knock out, slug out fight from beginning to finish whether against Ms. Funnel Spam or against this Full of Shit Frontal dude with mask it was just a nice fight, despite the lack of cool Norris Packard-esque lines.
While many Zeonic moans of whiny mamby pamby jack wagon gibberish were heard after the Unicorn 01, Londo Bell was able to make off with most of the goods and a bonus prize in the wake of Marida taking the fight into Industrial 7. While Fat Frontal would have you believe that the Laplace box belongs to Neo-Zeon fact remains Mineva doesn’t want it, the Vist Foundation decided not to give it, and the Feddies decided to pick up a hitchhiker and claimed it by right of finder’s keeper, losers’ weeper. There was much bawling from the Zekes about commando operations in colonies, but it is a far more preferable alternative to gassing colonies as a Zeke would often do, sadly ECOAS doesn’t have their own dedicated MS cover and Londo Bell seems to be a little worse for wear after losing Bright and Amuro . Still at least most of Industrial 7 Survived, no thanks to the Zekes but for the noble sacrifice of one teacher and others like him, a shame Banagher did not accord that man with much respect.
I quite liked Riddhe and thoroughly enjoyed what little time for banter he had with Norm. The spiel about survival and death was quite right as every Zeke that dies is simply due to stupidity. I hope Riddhe is lucky and it seems like a lighter version of AEU no Ace though I do hope Riddhe finds a Taisa to protect soon. So far I am a bit perplexed on the one hand I think he is trying to hit on Audrey but then he carries the banner for Links for a bit when he mentions that Audrey was the name Links called out as he fought to the end. Still even if Audrey is going to have a ball and chain by the name of Banagher Links it is not too late to ship Riddhe and Mihiro. Riddhe being a member of Clan Colassour aside I did like how he kept his cool as his squad died all around him and tried to help Links not embarrass himself.
Mineva would have us believe that Zekes were only allowed to live to serve as a scapegoat for the Feddies and points to how there seems to be a Neo-Zeon movement every Thursday. Fact is Zeon-hime is woefully misinformed as Anaheim has been selling weapons to both sides at various times to keep the war going and Zekes always have a knack for wasting money on lost causes. Hell Alberto from Anaheim is fanning the flames as Unicorn rolls on so her case that it is all an elaborate Feddie conspiracy has little traction. In fact the hostage scene showed how fractured the Feddies can be between ECOAS and Londo Bell, add in Anaheim to the mix and efficiency and unity is further reduced. The Zeke is a scapegoat theory is simply bullshit for the Feddies simply aren’t that good at being a Zeke police state. Commander Mackle had the chance to kill Mineva and in the end it was simply an empty threat. ECOAS isn’t the second coming of the Titans for all of the bluster Daguza has been thumping his chest in an attempt to be Zeon’s personal monster, but it was all just a display and Mackle isn’t a monster, instead he’s a big softie that feeds his prisoners, can’t move himself to shoot hostages, and even went to bat for Banagher of all people. Londo Bell was pretty much WTF? For the whole hostage situation the Captain was rolling his eyes. I like how Audrey picked up on Mackle’s hostage bluff by not only playing along to verify who she was, but also to insert her own plan to deny Full Frontal her person and the Box by pushing Mackle to do the Zeke thing and free her from her ordeal of being the last Zabi. I don’t think Full Frontal ever really bought it even if Mineva tried to make him sweat by getting herself killed to rob him of a symbol of Zeon and the Laplace Box. Even if Alberto totally blew it the vain statement that they were going to kill Mineva if they were attacked while being fired upon after the 3 minute limit pretty much dispelled any real chance that ECOAS would be as ruthless at Zeke killing as the Titans.
Riddhe was complaining about corruption but while there is a lot of bitching about how things haven’t changed for the Feddies things have changed, ECOAS is actually more in line with a Spec Ops outfit found in democratic countries, Londo Bell seems to have a greater reliance on grunts as opposed to the heydays of Amuro, and for now at least the Titans are still out of sight. While Banagher was running his yap about ADULTS Mackle shut the fucker up with words, though a Bright Slap or Mackle Pistol Whip would have been most welcome. Zeon hasn’t changed though and they bitch about shit as if they are the only ones in the universe with failed expectations. We hear the same shit again flowing out from the filthy sewers of Zeke mouths. Full Frontal had a whole speech about getting suffrage when it was the Zekes who crowned the Zabi family and fight in their name. It was a whole lot of shit coming from a guy who lived in a palace while the rest of the Zekes lived in hovels. Stupid people would blame the economic woes of Palau on the Feddies, reasonable and rational people would blame the Zekes’ fiscal irresponsibility when they build palaces as monuments to their vanity and mythic past than create jobs.
Snotty Zeke kid going on about how Feddies don’t feed prisoners was gloriously subverted when Mineva was given a meal and did not have to get water boarded for information. Stupid Zeke boy goes on about how Zeon fought for all spacenoids and yet the truth is the Zekes killed plenty spacenoids when stealing other people’s colonies for colony drops, they even beggared one of their own colonies to build a one shot laser and then blamed the newly homeless Zekes for all their crimes. I liked how it was Banagher that shut him down as it was in line with older people pwning younger people. More over the father of the stupid Zeke boy had to shut fuck up as Banagher called all his son’s bullshit. Not only did that little episode highlight how lame the Zeke excuses and prattle has become but it also highlights why Zeon has stagnated throughout UC. They teach their kids the same bullshit over and over again they exaggerate their victimhood even as they victimize all those around them and beggar the realm. Like some groups IRL the Zekes are the epitome of a group that has resorted to reprehensible and vile tactics to secure their cause only to wonder why no one gives much of a shit about them when things go south.
Like such groups their arguments about spacenoid sovereignty and freedom make me yawn, I spit upon their cause and denounce them as the waste of aid money that they truly are. Billions for Defense not one cent for the Zekes I say, hell I bet they would add a new wing to Full Frontal’s palace of man-boy love than hire a janitor to sweep the streets of Palau.
Speaking of man-boy love, I for one laughed out a lung as Full Frontal’s new creepy stalker boy toy Neo-Dilandu trotted out. While the ignorant Zekes still have a need for a Char this new Char is pretty much a copy of the crappy sort, sure the mask is there, but by Zeus does the camera make Full Frontal to be 3 times heavier. Full Frontal trying to be like mein Kaiser Reinhard-sama only instead of a Hilda for waifu or a new loli to play with Full Frontal seems to be of another persuasion, not sure how to feel about this but to be honest I’d rather Full Frontal drop the hair and the mask for some cool shades instead. Well for now since Neo-Dilandu has a great butt hurt face so I’ll just laugh heartily at his troubles, I was grievously disappointed in Banagher for not punching out Dilandu’s balls when the latter was stepping on him. By Zeus I cannot wait to see Neo-Dilandu get his ass kicked and I hope he dies and is denied a Liang Qi death, for his love for Frontal will die. Such is my desire to mock Zeon that I ENCOURAGE the BL and fujioshi to do their worst (or should I say best) to promote this ship, I am giving License to all who would do Full Frontal/Angelo fanfics factual accounts of a ribald and sordid sort.
While I am sure Marida was trying to gain sympathy by telling the sad tale of how the spacenoids came to be I ended up hating them more for turning their back on God, and refusing Zeus’ light. It is one thing to not believe in a higher power, but to worship one-self is simply sickening. It is then no wonder the Zekes are such a degenerate people with no future for they have forsaken the God who preserved the Jews since time immemorial and denied the divinity of Shining Zeus who delivered them from Hades. No help will come to them and so long as they think so arrogantly of their own divinity they will never prevail for Zeus will BIG BANG PUNCH them where ever he wishes. I have to give Marida credit though for handling Banagher in a mature and adult manner, this theme of adults being right for a change and maturity winning out is most welcome after years of suffering under the tyranny of teenage Gundam pilots. Even if Marida is NO ACE for being more mature, should this continue, I will still hate her for being a godless Zeke, but I might forgive her for being part of Gundam ZZ.
Speaking of Gundam ZZ if I have one major complaint about Unicorn is that I have to give up denying that Gundam ZZ actually took place, that ZZ was not some sort of mock-umentary about Neo-Zeon or some sort of Char produced character assassination on his ex, Haman; that the timeline did not go from Zeta Gundam directly to Char’s Counterattack. I still wish that Gundam ZZ was simply meant as a joke but with Marida and that painful insert about some fictitious Gundam Team from the first Neo-Zeon war made me remember and HOWL WITH RAGE. I might not be able to deny Gundam ZZ happened but I can still insist that the events portrayed are exaggerated, that it was a Hollywood production involving Michael Bay, that similarity to actual people are purely coincidental. By Zeus I love Unicorn to pieces but having to accept Gundam ZZ as partially canon is a very bitter pill to swallow.
Still I look forward to seeing ECOAS do some renovations on Palau; I bet they will leave Palau in better shape than it has been under Zeke rule.