New lower age limits for Gundam Pilots? Is Flit the new Kamile? When is Emily’s bubble bath scene up? How many of Flit’s girlfriend’s will die? Will we be getting Mecha Yazan? More importantly though who the heck is coming up with these ship names? Today we start coverage of Gundam AGE which will hopefully be better because the teenagers were served notice and got cut off the piloting roster and expelled from the practice squad.
I must admit I had no idea how I was supposed to react when I saw the promotional materials for Gundam AGE, should I be ready to accept the new lower age limit or is this really going to be a kids show and we are going to forgo the usual nakkidness? Time will tell, but I suppose while the kids definitely got younger the opening episodes don’t look all that different from past incarnations of Gundam. We get the usual colony has a Gundam, colony gets attacked, new ship and Gundam make an escape against colony that is going to light the heavens up in a nice shade of purple. Now that Sunrise is aiming to get a new crop of youngsters invested into the Grand Gundam Money Machine we’re going to have a lot less blood. So let me try and break it down it down a bit.
First up the main guy, Flit who I like to call Flirt in recognition of the eventuality that he is going to get more loli love than most otaku. Besides Flirt sounds less like a girl’s name and we don’t wanna go there unless Sunrise plans on bringing in some ghosts to ante up. I usually complain about all these Gundam Pilots under the age of 18 droning on about peace and justice, but I am liking the vibe I am getting from Flirt. Just kill, kill, kill kid because the Dragon-bot enemy is about as faceless as you can get and as far as we can tell probably don’t have pilots until that twist happens at a later point. More to the point Flirt comes from a family of weapons designers and dealers, so no fucking way can he mouth off about peace and justice when his family’s weapons have resulted in the deaths of millions possibly billions of people. It’s not about justice this is about vengeance.
Also I like how your mom guilt tripped you into continuing the family business, but watch out for the cell phone she gave you. Just use as needed and don’t go listening to it during your free time as the last guy who did it got bumped down the protagonist chart and ended up on the wrong side of the narrative to the derision of all. I have no idea why Flirt was spared when the Dragon-bots could have won the whole war by putting the boot to Flirt’s tiny head. If they have pilots that guy fucked up big time if they are just dumb machine intelligences then I want to know what faulty algorithm let to the outcome where Flirt wasn’t sticky red paste on some Dragon-bot’s foot. It would be a hoot if the Dragon-bots were all made by the Asuno family and then went sapient and turned on their creators in a Morning War because the Asuno family didn’t want a bunch of kill bots who had reservations about killing on command. Maybe they venerate Flirt as their new creator god and are simply waging a war of survival against the Asuno family which seeks to wipe them out. I think that would be a fun twist but I doubt it, so any way Flirt just keep shooting up the Dragon-bots and kill, kill, kill while taking little girls out in your Gundam which you built yourself. Don’t ever admit that you weren’t that minimum wage drone screwing in the parts, chicks don’t dig that just inflate you reputation and they’ll keep lining up.
On to number two Emily, well little miss looks like you are in for a world of disappointment well that is unless of course you learn to pilot something and you better learn quick. I have no idea why you decided to go off to the ship instead of camping out and occupying the Gundam cockpit, but you pretty much blew it if the Gundam formula holds true. Get ready for some long lonely years lass at best you might get Flirt in some side novel, at worst you end up with that rotund fellow who’s been following you. If you get your due you’ll be getting some kids soon so time to work on those parenting skills. If you’re smart you’ll give up on Flirt because you probably don’t have a newtype equivalent connection. Enjoy the friend zone and move on miss, this may sound harsh but it’s for your own good. This is a kid show and unless the writing staff decides to play us for chumps you ain’t knocking off the top contender and making Flirt you love slave.
Another Gundam and another Federation is about to get punked by a child. I should probably not even honor this new Federation as a real Federation because the other Federations at least know how to deal out the death with nuclear fire. This new crop looks more like the Union and HRL third string, I just wonder when we will get to see the AEU third string. Still Gundam is Gundam and boy does the incompetence ooze out already, forget the possible dark deeds and covert assassinations just look at the ship names and how one guy can just wipe out an entire database with no resistance. What kind of bonehead did it take to name the ship the “Diva?” was Elton John the one who dedicated it? Is “the Lion Sleeps Tonight” blasting whenever the comms aren’t being used? Whatever happened to the old names like Relentless or Dreadnought? You won’t get so much a a drop of blood on this show every one is just gonna get tasered like some drunken college kid who decided to go streaking. Special shout out to Captain Grodek, hey I know you just jacked a huge ship, Gato, Yazan, Kira and all who came before would be proud but dude you jacked the wrong thing, the Gundam was the real prize you idiot. You can call the Diva a battleship all you want but that thing is undergunned and undersized so don’t go crossing any Ts any time soon. Last Exile got the fleet actions covered so don’t bother.
GN Particles were a total joke and much more annoying than Minovsky Particles, but I like this AGE system. Sure they used the thing only once but I am hoping they don’t under use it for some lame DOTS rifle. Who cares about twisting beams when should be shooting high speed drills instead. Data might be the limiting factor but we need to test this thing out. No I am not talking about weapons I am talking about plugging AGE into google and getting tons of Google shares, National Grid, Apple, and Berkshire Hathaway all at IPO. Let’s not stop there we need to see if this thing can build bigger things screw Big Zam that thing is a relic. How about a couple new stadiums and arenas for my ideal sports town? Let’s go further if it were up to me I would want a baseball and football stadium, and an arena for basketball and hockey. I would also want to see if this AGE thing make me the best football team ever say the 1985 Chicago Bears Defense with the 1980s 49er offense headed by Joe Montana and maybe the Aaron Rodgers offense with the 1970s Steel Curtain as the bench. I want a top tier basketball team so I want know if that AGE thing can give me Bill Russell, Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, and Dirk Nowitzki as my starters with Tim Duncan, Hakeem Olajuwon, Jason Terry, John Havlicek, and Bob Cousy off the bench. We have got to try this for baseball and hockey as well because nothing says AU better than Championship Gold.
That’s it for the first 3 episodes, hopefully next week things keep rolling and Yurin goes for a second ride.