Yes this post is late but to be honest Skyrim ate up my life and after nine years of no playoffs my 49ers are finally turning things around unlike Zeon. I’ll forego the usual angry rant since Zeon Remnants did behave particularly dumb when Full Frontal played them like suckers. In fact I was laughing most for most of Unicorn 4. For those of you who dearly want to see Zeon win I got news for you they lose again and I’ll be honest with you no matter what they will always lose. Zeon is like the Dallas Cowboys of mecha, you are all fools for still believing, your faction is really overrated, and you have no championship gold to point to in the last decade. You call yourselves the Otaku’s Team when in fact you are the Hikkomori’s Team. This time around it was like a litany of failure, and whatever progress you made while impressive for you did not equate to a win on any level.
Where to begin on this pile of shit that came out for Zeon… I’ll start with Zeon losing Mineva to Riddhe because this sets up so much fun and not just a simple shipping war. In fact Riddhe made off like a bandit today, Zeon got bamboozled, hoodwinked. While it is common knowledge that Mineva is too good for Banagher, Riddhe is laying it on thick, hugging her, asking her to marry him, asking to stay by her side, airing out all his dirty family laundry. I really want to see Riddhe win the Mineva sweepstakes, because let’s face it given this episode Mineva isn’t going to find a loyal Zeke to marry, and Banagher seems to like fooling around with Marida and now Loni. Still Banagher has yet to, as Laker formerly known as Ron Artest would say, lay the pipe on Marida and will never lay the pipe Loni. I must really congratulate Riddhe not only is he making off with the Best Girl, he fucking cock blocked in EPIC fashion. He’s like pulling a Kamille on Banagher in that he’s killing off the latter’s girlfriends. I just wonder who is going to have more memorable losses Banagher or Jerid.
Riddhe isn’t just aiming to win the Mineva sweepstakes he just got the chance to work under Bright Noa for the rest of the series. I am sure Bright Noa will be haunting the dreams of many a Zeke from now on because hasn’t lost in… like ever. So this Full Frontal fellow has like no chance of winning, because if Real Char couldn’t do it then that fat over weight clone isn’t going to get it done either. You can quote me on this Zeon will not win because Bright Noa is going to Strike Back and it was to be a Hoth class rout.
Banagher wasn’t the biggest loser though an even bigger loser was Suberoa who got his ass kicked, balls kicked in, and got curb stomped by Banagher. Never mind how all this talk about war is bad is getting old and stale, it fucking comedy gold. I just wish it were a UFC fight and they had an octagon. I was rolling because really how could Suberoa lose so badly? He had the gun, could won right then and there, had mass, and yet he was the one getting his face kicked in. To make it all the more humiliating Banagher took command and did whatever he wanted, and worse still Bright Noa was on the field and when you compare Suberoa to Bright Noa it’s not fucking contest. If it were Bright Noa he would have Bright Slapped Banagher and made him his bitch. Not Suberoa though he became Banagher’s bitch and as a result lost the episode.
Now I am sure how Zeon is going to put perfume on this shit performance, but since some of you Zekes were cheering for the Miami Heat I feel like rubbing it in. Yes you guys did bloody the Federation, but like LeBron James you stupid fucks couldn’t give a good fourth Quarter and Londo Bell not only go the comeback victory, the RX-160S Byarlant Custom fucking posterized 70% of the Zeon Remnants. It’s like Zeon likes getting garbage yards yes they might be the best Fantasy Football team but they can’t convert those into the one number that matters, one in the win column. It’s like a running theme under the Full Frontal Era they just waste troops and machines for no tangible gains other than “we made a statement”. There are no moral victories in professional sports just like there are no moral victories in war for the losing side.
For you Zekes that can’t make sense of what a military disaster this was I’ll break it down for you since you know I have actually been to the sandbox in an IRL War while you guys were fapping to Haman. Full Frontal suckered every Zeon Remnant guy into dying for nothing. Not only does Zeon not get to the location of the Box, they lose the Gundam Unicorn, and basically let the Federation eliminate most of the Zeon Guerillas left on Earth. Bad enough the dumb Zekes of the Zeon Remnant failed to set their alarm clocks for three Neo-Zeon Movements (Delaz, Haman, Char) they never even got the memo that Char was going to drop an asteroid on them and yet they still manage to get betrayed by a Char clone. So now the Feddies have not only destroyed most of the remaining Zeke Forces on Earth, Torrington held out, they got the Gundam Unicorn out of Zeke hands, and now the Zekes lose a good pair of teats in Loni. Sorry if you guys want more Ms. Loni you guys will have to head for the fan-arts and hope that Ms. Loni got a cult following.
I got a good laugh out of Ms. Loni after all that talk of alleged Feddie atrocities she goes to town and starts shooting the civilian population, in fact such was her hate that she killed a baby and took out a concert to spite Ranka. It’s one thing to allege atrocities its quite another to see them happening because this is the story of Zeon, nothing but allegations for the most part and then they keep doing the same dirty shit they do. It’s like they are a bunch of whiny entitled Laker fans, when it’s time to sleep in the bed they made they fucking leave in the third quarter to cry and get swept. Had Loni had the brains to do what she was supposed to then she might have saved her friends from the Byarlant ass kicking, she might have demolished Torrington base so that they would have something to show for it. Instead because Shamblo reminded Loni who her daddy was they don’t whack a single high ranking Feddie Official, Dakar is still standing, the Torrington isn’t overrun and Londo Bell gets to fatten up their stats along with that Bylarant Custom. In the end though Zeon loses most of their forces on Earth and they lose the Gundam Unicorn, while this makes for a great strategic and tactical victory for the Federation. It doesn’t matter how many suits the Zeon Remnant took out the Federation can make more and Feddie Citizens can have a good birth rate while Riddhe is culling the Zeke female population either by killing them or trying to marry the Best Girl. The Zeon Remnant was brought to battle and destroyed in detail and en masse sparing the Federation a massive operation to wipe them out scouring every inch of dirt and ocean. I always said that the Zekes couldn’t win a war and I am still quite right.
I really got a good laugh out of Kirks as well because he was no Captain Kirk and clearly wasn’t laying the pipe like Tribble. For a guy who wanted to badly to destroy a base to the point he was ready to over load his reactor before Londo Bell made a fool out of him, he was dumb as fuck. He could have just had someone over load when they were winning if that was the mission. He wasn’t going to win on his own Loni had pulled a Garcia and started dicking around with meaningless targets and the cavalry was bound to show up. Once they had a Londo Bell sighting Kirks would have been better off ordering them all to detonate in the hopes of taking out that Byarlant and maybe Bright Noa along with Ra Cailum. Essentially he got greedy and started mailing it in and for his trouble got a face full of Londo Bell and Byarlant. I laughed so hard during that suicide attempt it hurt. I just wished Kirks released some god awful album like Shatner did. Now that would have made it more of an atrocity than Loni shooting up the city for no good military reason.
Last on the Comedy of Errors is Marida, she just got royally screwed and I don’t mean that she had the pipe laid on her by some Zeke leader. No, Marida just got to Anaheim and boy have they been busy spending money, not only did they sign Albert Puljos to a 10 year 240 Million dollar deal, they made their own Gundam Unicorn and painted it black. Even better they get a free pilot to enslave and all they had to do was show Qubeley and bring up bubble bath time to destroy Marida’s fragile mind. Look out Zeon Anaheim is coming and Christmas came early for them. Also now that we get a better look at Marida it seems that they brother goers of Palau were into some freaky shit. I am pretty damn certain those aren’t love bites.
In all fariness I’ll hand you guys off a Zeke point of view in all this,
This is ludicrous, why don’t I as a Palau taxpayer tell Zeon to that I’ll pay them when they are good? I am not watching this experimental, laboratory, test tube crap. Don’t give me that “hey man this year is all about…” I don’t want to hear it. I am FRUSTRATED! I AM TIRED OF WATCHING CRAP. It’s been crap for years, it’s Groundhog Day and I am sick of it. I want to WIN and I am tired of people telling me that I have to watch this crap to get there. Can anybody turn Zeon around? Can anyone beat Bright Noa? Full Frontal you are a joke! Your roster and plans are a JOKE. There are groups all over mecha that are LAUGHING at you. FUCKING ZAFT IS LAUGHING AT YOU! FUCKING DR. HELL IS LAUGHING AT YOU! I don’t have to like it. Sorry ectholion, sorry GhostofDelaz, sorry Mike. CAN YOU HEAR THE FRUSTRATION IN MY VOICE?! I have had it, I am tired of sucking. I want you to know that Londo Bell and Bright Noa are laughing in your face today. The pilots in mecha all know who sucks and who doesn’t. Londo Bell’s pilots are salivating to fight the Zeon Remnants again. Riddhe is looking forward to killing another pair of Zeon teats to cock block Banagher next time. Londo Bell is going to fatten up their stats on the fucking Zeon Remnants. God I am sick of this crap. Don’t give me that “we are on our way crap.” You guys want me to get excited? GET EXCITED FOLKS! LONI IS GOING GET KILLED TODAY! KIRKS IS GOING TO FUCK UP HIS SUICIDE TODAY! SUBEROA IS GOING TO GET HIS ASS KICKED TODAY! I AM GOING TO NEED A FUCKING BYPASS! BANAGHER IS GOING TO TALK ABOUT LOVE AND PEACE TODAY! GET EXCITED FOLKS! GET EXCITED!
I am insulted, how dare they call this mecha. You thought Delaz was worth following? You thought Haman was worth following? You thought Char was worth following? How the fuck did that work out? Delaz brings us the Titans, Haman ends up pining for FUCKING JUDAU, and Char chickens out in his escape pod while Amuro takes Char up and down the space lanes to tomhawk dunk Char onto Axis. We haven’t had a good new pilot since Anavel Gato, and we went from Gato to FUCKING GIVE FUCKING KIRKS A CHANCE?! Child please, you are an idiot. I am sorry, I can only put up with this for so long. I’ve just had eat too much crap, I am vomiting crap. This is our lot in life? They invented fucking mobile suits in Zeon but those bastards on that planet that SMELLS have won every war since 0079?! I AM NOT MAKING BILLIONS OF DOLLARS A YEAR AND LIVING IN A PALACE TO RUN ZEON. When are we going to hold people like Full Frontal accountable? WHEN, WHEN, WHEN?! I don’t care who is offended, if you don’t want to hear it then GET OFF MY COLONY. I DON’T WANT YOU ON MY COLONY! You DON’T WIN ANYWAY! Who wants you anyway? WIN SOMETHING! I am the kid with no toys on Christmas and I am sick of it. There is no hope just … ughhhhh. What did we ever do to deserve this? What did we do? – Zeke Zeon (AM 1050 Radio Zeon)